Eleven

Nipples to the left of him, nipples to right. By all rights Brain should have been as happy as a pig wallowing in pure gravy. Here he sat at the dinner table book ended between two naked women. The left breast to the right of him belonged to his wife while the smaller, perter, right breast to his left was his daughter’s. Moreover he was still dressed. Soon after complementing her mother on her outfit Isla had joined her by sporting her own version which was smaller, better fitting and, it had to be said, properly ironed. Brian had escaped having to bare all with the flimsy excuse of being cold. He was unhappy because Marion had brought up the n word again.

Isla had agreed with her mother “I think we are nudists, I mean just look at us”

“Well apart from your father”

“And how many of my friends have seen their father naked?”

Brian winced, this was not a good evening. Unfortunately for Brain this was the best part of the evening, he had no idea how much worse it was going to get. He tried to retrieve some sanity.

“Well, I asked your Mother if she wanted to join a nudist club and she said no”

“Oh there’s more to nudism that joining a club, we all like being nude at home, which makes us nudists”

Marion upped the stakes “That’s exactly what I told your father, and it’s time we stopped hiding the fact from our friends. I’m sick and tired of running for my clothes every time Linda calls”

“Oh come on Marion” Brain was getting heated now, “you know how attitudes are in this country, we’ll end up a laughing stock”

“Oh I don’t know dad, people are more fair minded than the tabloid press. I think you may be pleasantly surprised. Anyway if she disapproves then just tell her you’ll get dressed when she calls around”

Brian didn’t like the way things were going, it was time to play his ace.

“If you bring it up now. She’ll think you are the naked angel”

This stopped the conservation dead. Isla looked at both of them. Marion explained the newspaper article.

“Oh come on Dad” exclaimed Isla “Nobody is going to walk about stark naked in the middle of a freezing night” she paused before adding the final Jenga brick onto Brian’s tottering pile but “it could be a good way to casually bring up the conversation with Linda”

He may not have won the trump, but he had outplayed his wife whose weakness lay in the knowledge that Linda may just have been looking at the wrong time.

“We’ll see what tomorrow brings” she replied enigmatically before changing the subject, “How’s uni then Isla? I see you have let hair grow, and not just on the top of your head.”

“Well there is something I need to tell you guys”

OhmyGodshespregnant was the only thought that raced through Marion’s mind. The same thought had simultaneously taken prime of place in Brian’s consciousness. After Isla had laid their mind to rest in that respect she outlined her plans.

“I felt it only fair to bring you guys up to speed on out econude protests. I wouldn’t want you to find out by reading all about me in the paper”

‘Unlike your mother’ thought Brian. By the time Isla had outlined her summer project both her parents were beginning to come round to the idea that pregnancy would have been preferable. They also knew there was no way in hell that Isla could be persuaded to change her mind. All Brian and Marion could do was grin while Isla bared it.