29

27

But Julie Lewis never got to see the photos of Dick Standing skulking in the bushes like a twitcher waiting for a rare bird. This was due to Linda, who got to see the picture first, and she had other ideas.

“We have him now” she said as she clapped her hands with glee. They were sitting in her kitchen basking in the glow of the central heating, which wasn’t really required if you were prepared to wear some clothes.

“We need to confront him, if Gemma sees this he will be done for. Come on”

“What right now” Marion complained, “I’ll have to go back and get some clothes on”

“Oh just put your coat on, you’ll be fine” Linda told her firmly, “that’s all I’m planning on wearing. We’ll only be a tick”

And so clad only in shoes and a coat Marion trotted across the road after a strident Linda who was already rapping earnestly on Dick Standing’s door.

When he answered Bob’s flabby face broke into an evil grin. “O ho, my naked neighbour”

“Can we come in, Bob, we’ve something to show you”

“No thanks, I’ve already seen all you’ve got to offer, Linda”

“You haven’t seen what I’ve been got” Marion told him.

Bob bit his lip to stop himself advising her she to be more careful when closing her curtains a night.

“It’s about flashing, in a way”

“I, er, I’m sorry, I don’t understand.” He replied, understanding full well why these two harpies were at his door.

“Of course you do Bob” Linda said curtly as she pushed past him, “we’ve a photo to show you”

Dick raced after Linda, “Now come back here Linda Frost, you can’t barge in here just like that”

Marion followed them into the Standing’s finely decorated living room. Linda was standing in front of the ornate fire place, one arm stretched languidly across the wooden mantel, while her left hand fingered the buttons on her coat. “Gemma in Bob?” she asked peremptorily. Dick shook his head.

“Pity; never mind we can show her the picture later. Show Bob the snap you took last night Marion”

Marion held the camera up. Bob took it from her and squinted at the small screen.
“I can’t see anything here, what’s it supposed to be?”

“Really, Bob. Your eyesight must be going. You know what they say” replied Linda with heavy sarcasm, “Surely you recognise your front garden and that portly figure of a man trying to cover himself with a bush? Ah well perhaps we’ll wait for Gemma to come back, maybe she’ll see someone she knows poised with his camera”

“Oh dear” Dick said “I appear to have just deleted the picture. I’m so sorry” He handed the camera back to Marion, who began to laugh.

“Oh dear” mimicked Linda “I’ve just pressed send on my email to Gemma. How stupid do you think we are Bob”

“Stupid enough to go wandering the streets in the nude at night” he snapped back.

“Now, now Bob. Careful what you say” Marion told him, “Isla has a journalist friend who would be very interested in this picture” she paused, “in fact you may have met her, she printed the picture of Linda, you know the one you took when you just happened to wake up and just happened to have looked out of the window, and just happened to have your camera ready. I’m sure she’d love to know more about your dirty little night time habits”

Dick Standing stood silent. “I think we need some more pictures don’t you, Bob?”
she asked walking over to him, “Just you and me together” she said putting her arm around his shoulder, “come on Bob smile for the camera” she told him as he pushed her away. “Ah” she said “I forgot, you only take pictures of me in my birthday suit, silly me” And with that she dropped her coat. When they viewed the picture later, Dick’s rotund face bore exactly the same look of utter shock that he showed that previous night.

“Oh come on Bob, why are you so shocked, after all you’ve seen it all before” Linda told him as she stood there, hands on hips, pointy breasts jutting out. Marion moved carefully so she could picture her stark naked friend’s full frontal body and include a reflection of Bob’s gawping face in the mirror above the fireplace.

“How about some pictures with you Marion?” said Linda quickly.

“Oh, I don’t know” she began.

“Bet he’s got pictures of you in the nude too, squirreled away on his little hard drive. Peek at Marion through the curtains, did you Bob, bet you got Isla too”

“No” he replied indignantly, but Marion could see the truth in his eyes.

“Liar” she told him. Even so, there was no way she was going to give him the pleasure of perusing her bare body. But Marion’s bare body had other ideas and before her sensible brain had any idea what was happening she was stepping out of her coat which lay like a puddle on the pale green carpet. Bob nearly choked on his tongue as he tried to speak. Linda giggled and, grabbing the camera from Marion proceeded to snap way. The depth of the water beneath him began to seep into Bob Standing’s consciousness and he made a grab for Linda, and more importantly the camera. She skipped from his grasp and ran for the stairs. Up she bounded, laughing raucously with bare buttocks quivering as Bob raced after her. Marion followed at a more sedate pace. At the top of the stairs, Linda paused and turned, presenting Dick with an eyeful her newly trimmed jet black pubic hair. He lunged for the camera but Linda was too quick, she tossed it to Marion and she was gone. Dick turned and began to descend towards her only to freeze at the sound of Linda’s voice raised in triumph. “You’ve left your computer on Bob, let’s see what you’ve got saved!”

Turning again he scampered up the stairs and into a small bedroom at the front of the house. As she reached the top of the stairs Marion saw Bob desperately trying to switch the machine off.

“In here Marion” hissed Linda. Naked as the day she was born Marion stepped into her neighbours’, Bob and Gemma Standing’s, bedroom to find Linda lying on the bed, legs wide apart revealing the inner secrets of her vagina for all to see. “Quick, take a snap” she told her. Marion took the picture just in time, for Dick came rushing through the door, “Nooooo” he shouted as her reached for the camera. But he was off balance and fell right on top of Linda. It was too good an opportunity to miss and Marion took the incriminating photo. Bob shot up and raced for Marion, but she was gone, breasts bouncing as she took the stairs two at a time.

“Come back Bob, we haven’t finished, you can’t just leave me like this naked and alone” Linda called as she ran after them. Marion stopped at the foot of the stairs and threw the camera past Bob to Linda who caught it deftly and then stopped. Wheezing from exertion Dick turned towards her. He held his hand out more in hope than expectation. Hope springs eternal, but not for Dick Standing that autumn morning. Linda stood there as bare as a penny half way down his stairs, her jet black pubic mound in line of sight with his eyes. She held the camera at arms length.

“This what you want, Bob, or is there something else that catches your eye?” And with a wicked smile she tossed the camera to Marion by the door. Suddenly Dick’s mood brightened, he had Linda trapped on the stairs and although Marion was free to escape with the camera, she would not be able to get her coat in time. He was betting she wasn’t keen on crossing Belvior Avenue in the altogether.

While he was thinking of success Linda was acting.

“Stand still Bob” she told him “or I’ll drop it” Bob spun around to face Linda who was leaning over the banisters. He had to admire the effect of gravity on her breasts as they swayed in a very appealing manner above the patterned tiles that covered the floor of the hall. Lust, however was shunted into the back seat of the car when he caught site of Gemma’s favourite black and gold porcelain vase that Linda held in her hands. He lunged for the stairs to tackle her only to be forced into a desperate change of direction as Linda let go of his wife’s treasured possession. There was a deadening crunch as Bob landed heavily on the floor. His squeal of pain turned to a sigh of relief as his outstretched hands clasped the vase.

All of this gave Linda the time to skip past him towards the front door where Marion waited with camera and the vital coats. They slammed the door behind them as Bob was crawling awkwardly to his feet, there was no damage to the vase, but judging from the creaking of Bob’s kneecaps they were in need some superglue.

Marion hid behind the very laurel bush that Bob had used for cover the previous evening.

“I think we may have upset him” she told Linda as she put her coat on.

“I’m damn certain we did, let’s get these photos safely stored on the computer” she told Marion as she headed for the street, only to find her friend dragging at her arm.

“Put your coat on Linda”

“No time for that, He’ll be out in a jiffy”

“You can’t go wandering across the street in buff, what will the neighbours think?”

“I’ve already been paraded around the neighbourhood stark naked by my husband, Marion; besides we are the neighbours”

“Do you want anyone seeing you come from Dick Standing’s house in the all together? What might they think?”

Linda expression took on the appearance of a small child finding out that a Brussels Sprout is not the delicious titbit she had been led to believe.

“Excellent point” said Linda putting on her coat. The delay was nearly costly, as Bob came bursting out of his front door at that very moment, only to trip over Marion’s carelessly stretched out foot. There was sickening crunch as his already damaged knees were involved in a close encounter with the concrete path.

Laughing like two schoolgirls who had just got away with sandbagging the school bully Marion and Linda ran for home. They were just catching their breath in the hallway when the doorbell rang. This was followed by an urgent rapping. The letterbox was poked open and a pair of dark eyes peered in.

“I want that camera” Dick shouted.

“Stop peeking, you dirty little man” scolded Linda “I might have had no clothes on” And with that she took off her coat.

“Give me the camera, so I can delete the pictures”

“Too late” called Marion who stood to one side out of Dick’s sight, “I’ve just uploaded them to my websafe”

Dick banged on the door. Linda hooked up the security chain and opened it, making sure that Dick had a good view of her bare body.

“Here’s the deal, Bob” she told him, “I know you have a hard drive full of pictures of me in the nude, and Marion and Isla, and I know nothing is going to stop you taking more. So you can take as many pictures of us with no clothes on as you want. But” she paused, looked at Marion and smiled, “but, if one photograph of any of us appears in print or on the web, two things are going to happen. One, those pictures of me on your bed are being sent to Gemma, and two, the picture of you in the garden with the camera goes to Marion’s journalist friend”

Now there was silence. Bob Standing had met his Waterloo, and slunk quietly away. Linda watched him all the way to his front door, before closing hers.

“Did you really have time to upload the photos?” she asked.

“No. I lied” replied Marion, “Let’s go and look at them”

“Oh my” said Linda as she viewed herself spread across the Standing’s marital bed, “I’m a trifle overexposed in that picture, and I’m not talking about the lighting” She roared at her own joke.

“Fancy a walk tonight, Marion? Give old Dick a thrill. He’ll be out there with his camera, I bet”

“I’m sure he will but I think we should leave it for a week, let him shiver in his front garden with nothing to show for it.”

Linda rubbed the palms of her hands together, “Oh yes, I like the sound of that”
They continued to wade their way through the surprisingly large amount of pictures they had taken.

“God, I look like a slut in that one” Linda remarked.

“Well you’re stark naked, leaning over the stairs, and the camera is focused right up your front backside” Marion pointed out, “not much chance of looking anything else really. Oh my” she exclaimed “I don’t look much better myself”

“Tell you what,” Linda pointed out “Old Dick Standing is living up to his name in that picture”

Marion was none too keen on being the object of Bob Standing’s sexual attractions so she decided to change the subject.

“What about a proper walk?”

“What do you mean?”

“A proper walk, in the country, in the daylight”

“I don’t know” replied Linda with little enthusiasm.

“Nude of course”

Linda brightened “On the other hand.” She stopped and thought. “Do you think the boys would be up for it?”

“Brian wouldn’t be keen” Marion knew this for an understatement.

“Kev would go if Brain was doing it”

“I’ve an idea. If you tell Kevin that Brian is keen.” She paused. “No better still tell him it was his idea, and then I’ll tell Brian it was Kev’s brainchild”

“That’ll work” replied Linda with a mischievous grin, “now where shall we go?”

“I Know just the place, quiet with woods to hide in. Have you got a map?”

26

Left alone to mooch once more in the front garden staring at the green door of chez Shaw, Kevin’s mood blackened. What were the two witches up to in there? His contempt spread out from his perfidious wife to all of her sex. Had they not all been responsible for the fall? And should they all not be forced to pay? Wanton daughters of Eve! He’d speak to Brain, he should force his wife to be naked at all times too, that’s what women needed, the slap of firm discipline. The creak of the opening door broke into his angry manifesto.

“Come in” Brian told him, “I think you should be prepared for a bit of a shock”

“I’ve had more than a bit of a shock Brian, I don’t think anything could surprise me now”

But it did, as soon as he entered the kitchen his jaw dropped towards the patterned tiles and his legs froze as still as a bird stained statue. He had read about the medical phenomenon of lucid dreams, where realty was mixed with fantasy. That was the only explanation for there, flanking his naked wife, were two bare bookends. One he recognised, well he knew the face, the sturdy breasts with their long pink nipples were something new, as was the hairy vagina above the heavy thighs that had been last seen forcing their way out of a very unfashionable pair of shorts. Now here they were again freed from their shackles taking on a different perspective. Kevin had to admit that on the whole Marion looked much better out her clothes than in, and pretty good for her age too, he thought charitably.

If Marion opened the debate for universal female nudity then the little hottie at the end closed it, won the vote before moving onto the valedictory vote of thanks. Huge plump melon shaped mammaries jutted firmly from her chest, casting a shadow on a nice flat stomach and a smooth hairless vagina. Had he looked Kevin would have appreciated her pretty face and long curly black hair, but his eyes never strayed higher than her neck.

Marion waited while Kevin drank his fill, then she smiled, not a nice smile, it was a vicious smile, tipped with contempt and menace. But then Kevin wasn’t looking at Marion’s face either.

“I think you’ve had a good enough look, Kev” she said evenly, “Now let’s all sit down.”

Kevin and Brian sat one side of the table while three pairs of breasts lined up opposite them, six pert nipples pointing accusingly at Linda’s husband. Brian sat passively wringing his hands beneath the table out of sight of the women. He was afraid, very afraid. Kevin, however, still not sure if he was awake or not, drooled like a pubescent boy in a nudist camp.

“Kevin, your behaviour today has been disgraceful” Marion told him bluntly. “This stops now” She sounded like a strict headmistress dressing down a small boy, except Kevin was a grown man and it was Marion who was dressed down. “It has got to stop”

“Wait a minute” he said, realising that this was no dream, and wasn’t he was the one wronged against “I didn’t start this, Linda did. You wouldn’t catch me wandering the streets naked in the middle of the night”

“Nor me” replied Julie, as Marion looked at Brain and Brian looked straight back at his wife. Neither of them daring to breathe, “but that doesn’t excuse the way you have treated your wife”

Kevin finally managed to drag his eyes away from Julie’s magnificent pair of breasts and their flat pale brown nipples. “Who the hell are you anyway and why are you here?”

“This is Julie, she’s a friend of Isla’s. She just stopped by for a chat”

“That figures”

“How?”

“That explains why you are all sitting here in the buff. This is all your daughter’s fault” he said looking firmly at Marion, “running around in the nicy naky noo”

‘No it’s not’ thought Brian, staring fixedly at his wife too. Calm under fire Marion continued.

“We’re not here to talk about Isla, Kevin; we are discussing you and Linda”

“It’s none of your business” he said bluntly

“But you made it our business by forcing her to turn up naked at our front door”

“I was just visiting,” he replied trying to sound nonchalant “and Linda was wearing her normal attire for strolling around the street.” He spat out the last part of the sentence with such venom that Linda winced.

Marion continued as if he had not spoken “and then she announced herself as a slut…..her words or yours?”

“So what” Kevin decided to brazen it out, after all Marion was just another shameless, naked whorebitch.

“I think you should know that any divorce lawyer worth his salt would have you out of that house and give custody of your son to your wife with no access”

Kevin stared at Julie, this time he looked deep into her eyes. He saw no fear there at all. Cautious now he asked “What are you, some kind of naked lawyer?”

“No” she told him, “I’m a naked reporter”

That, thought Kevin, was much worse. Like an Antarctic glacier sliding inexorably towards the deep blue sea he began to realise he was in serious trouble, and had been for some time.

“And I’ve just listened to Linda’s story. I believe her and I’m sure all my readers will too”

It was over, too late now Kevin realised he was past the tipping point. An ocean of cold fear flushed all the anger from Kevin in less than a second. What would people think of him, what would he have though, reading such an article about another man? He looked at Julie in the certain knowledge that anyone who would sit there stark naked in support of Linda would not present his side of the case. The article would have more spin than a fairground carousel.

“It would make a good series, several articles over a month I think” Julie told him, smiling sweetly.

Broken now, Kevin held his head in his hands in defeat “Oh my God,” he muttered quietly, “what have I done.” He looked at his naked wife. “Can you ever forgive me?”
Reaching across the table he gently took her hand. “I’m so sorry” he told her.

Close to tears Linda replied “I’m sorry too Kev, I shouldn’t have”

“But why, love, why did you do it? What could possess you to walk around in the nude?”

“I don’t know, it’s like a drug I just can’t stop”

“You need help” he told her.

Marion who had been listening to this with a mixture of pleasure and contempt interrupted. It was time to put an end to such talk. There was one fact she knew above all others and that was that she, Marion, the true naked angel didn’t need any help to stop walking the neighbourhood in just her shoes. She had no intention of giving up her night time actives which were in her view were entirely wholesome and frankly nobody else’s business. In fact, she considered herself to be a pillar of the community for if she hadn’t been taking an air bath that chilly spring night Tomas O’Sullivan would be singing with real angels in the heavenly chorus.

She stamped on Kevin’s opinion as a small boy on an ant.“There’s nothing wrong with nudity, we’re all quite happy this side of the table” she told her neighbour haughtily

Kevin looked at her, and asked the question that had been gnawing away at his brain for some time.” Why exactly are you naked Marion?”

Julie answered for her “We’re dressed like this because Linda had no clothes and was too scared face you unless she was in the nude”

“We’re showing solidarity, Kev” Marion told him, steering away from that sticky patch. She pressed on with her attack and smiled as she drew the knife. “Perhaps you should too?”

He looked at her with a face as blank as a leaden winter sky. Then a stiff wind blew away the fog and a wintery ray of realisation spread itself all over Kevin’s face like a twisted shaft of sun.

“You mean me, take all my clothes off” he laughed, “I don’t think so”

As cool as the winter weather Marion slipped the blade between his ribs. “It will make a good story Kev, maybe a series.”

“There’s no need for that, look I’m really sorry, but you have to admit it was a shock” he sounded contrite as he continued “I’ll buy you a whole new wardrobe Linda” He crossed the floor and kneeled in front of her, a repentant child begging for forgiveness. He took her hand “Please Linda”

She ran her fingers through his hair before replying soothingly “It’s Ok Kev, we’ll be Ok now” She looked at Marion, “thanks for everything”

Marion twisted the knife “He has to do it Linda, you know it’s the only way”

Linda held her husband’s head in her hands. “You have to do this Kevin; it was Marion’s only condition for helping me. Believe me, she will do as she says”

Slowly Kevin rose to his feet, knees knocking, he was a defeated man and he knew it. He sighed “Ok, but I’m not getting undressed here”

“Take him into the hall Brain” Marion commanded.

“Come on mate,” Brian said a friendly hand on his shoulder, “tell you what” he continued magnanimously, “I can’t let you do it alone, I’ll join you”

Kevin almost swooned, “Brian, you are a true friend, but you don’t have to”

Brian held up a hand, “No, I insist, it’s the least I can do” he said with all the sincerity he could muster. He smiled at Marion, “you don’t object do you dear?”

His wife gave him a stern look, “no dear, it’s very magnanimous of you” she replied with more than a hint of sarcasm. Linda was clearly taken in by Brian’s unashamed flannel and smiled gratefully at him; Julie Lewis who was more aware of the dress code in the Shaw household was clearly having a hard time suppressing a fit of giggles. She had her face more or less under control, but a very appealing rhythmic vibration in her pendulous breasts betrayed her.

Clearly happy with himself and beaming from ear to ear Brian led Kevin out of the room to begin a new chapter of his life.



Marion was late home from PDQ. She was extremely satisfied with herself. It had been a warm sunny autumnal day and the office had been hot enough for a fully nude afternoon.

“Hi Brian” she called as she closed the door. She’d only had them on for the half hour journey home, but Marion felt no attachment to her clothes so off they came. Brian was reading the evening paper in the lounge. “There are two letters for you in the hall” ha called.

Not strictly true as one was addressed to both of them. She sauntered into the lounge. “Look Brian a wedding invitation”

He looked puzzled, “Who do we know who is getting married?”

“Merri, the secretary at PDQ”

“I suppose that will need a new outfit” he complained grumpily

“I don’t think so, this one will do” she replied

“I don’t understand”

“It’s a clothing optional wedding” she paused before driving in another nail “at a nudist club”

“What, you’re joking, give that here” he snatched the invitation.

Marion smirked at his discomfort as she opened the second letter. It too was an invitation. Her blood ran cold as she read it. Fortunately Brian was too wrapped up in his own dilemma with Merri’s wedding to notice.

“I’ll just make a start on cooking dinner shall I?” she said and retired to the kitchen.


An unseasonably warm autumn night, hot and sweaty, undoubtedly summer’s last throw of the dice. Brian thrashed about under the duvet as once again he roamed naked through his work. For his wife, who had actually done this, it was a dream come true. Fro Brain it was nightmare. “So you’re the naked angel are you” John poured scorn on him as Jan sat lasciviously on his lap stroking his hair. “Don’t be ridiculous that was my neighbour”

“So why have you come to work in the nude?” he asked with a pitying glance at Brian’s nether regions.
“I’m going to a wedding after work” the dreaming Brian replied desperately.

“Where’s your suit” asked John as Jan started to blow seductively on his neck.

“I’m wearing it”

“That’s not a wedding suit, that’s a birthday suit, you’re not going to a birthday are you” Jan giggled as she licked John’s ear.

“It’s at a nudist resort” Brian said in a small voice as Jan and Jon leered at him.

“So you’re a nudist are you? Running around in the woods in the rudey nudey”

“No, no, it’s not me it’s a friend of my wife, no, no”

Brian woke with a start, drenched in sweat. He reached to Marion for comfort but she wasn’t there. He had fallen straight from a bad dream into a waking nightmare. Leaping out of bed he raced to the window and looked out. The trees at the bottom of the garden had lost some of their leaves leaving a clear view of part of the lane. Two figures, much barer than the tree branches slipped past. Brain raced for the stairs, and then stopped at a sudden thought. Dick Standing what if….. He dashed into Isla’s empty bedroom at the front of the house, cursing as he stubbed his bare toe on a discarded hairdryer. Carefully parting the curtains he peeked out at the Standing residence. All seem quiet, he breathed a heartfelt sigh of relief and was about to hunt down the elusive Marion when he caught a movement from the corner of his eye. Dick Standing had become bolder and had relocated to the cover of a bush in his front garden for a better shot. He lay there as still as a sniper waiting for a careless victim to stray into his sights.

Brain hurtled from the room faster than a cartoon character with a bomb and dashed down the stairs. The sudden light hurt his eyes as he burst through the kitchen door en route to the garden. The sight of Marion sitting calmly at the table brought him to a sudden halt.

Marion was just as surprised as Brian. Fortunately his elephantine descent of the stairs had given her time to hide the invitation card before her husband arrived. It was clear however that Brian had other things on his mind.

“Thank God, Marion, I thought you were outside”

“And why should I be outside”

“I just saw two nudes walking along the lane”

“And you thought”

“Well yes after all we have…..”

Her mood brightened “You fancy another trip, I see you’re dressed for it”

In his hurry Brain had forgotten to put any clothes on.

“Didn’t you hear me Marion. There are two naked people in the lane”

She smiled, how things can change. “Linda and Kevin. She told me about it. I think we should stay inside tonight, they’ll want their privacy”

“Well they won’t get it. Dick standing is in his front garden, flash charged and camera ready”

“What” exclaimed Marion “Show me”

Brain admired the expanse of his wife’s bottom as she peered out of the curtains in his daughter’s empty bedroom.

“Get the camera Brian, we’ll give him a spoonful of his own medicine”

Five minutes later he was back “Sorry” he whispered “I couldn’t find it” He shoved a robe at his naked wife “put this on, we don’t want him taking photos back do we”

“Good point” she said wrapping it around her ample bosom on carefully opening the window. “Just stay still a moment” she whispered. The camera flash lit up the street like lightning, which was quickly followed by thunder from Dick’s garden as he threw himself to into a laurel bush. Marion hid behind the curtains and checked the camera memory. “Got him, poised and ready to shoot, wait till Julie Lewis gets this”