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27

But Julie Lewis never got to see the photos of Dick Standing skulking in the bushes like a twitcher waiting for a rare bird. This was due to Linda, who got to see the picture first, and she had other ideas.

“We have him now” she said as she clapped her hands with glee. They were sitting in her kitchen basking in the glow of the central heating, which wasn’t really required if you were prepared to wear some clothes.

“We need to confront him, if Gemma sees this he will be done for. Come on”

“What right now” Marion complained, “I’ll have to go back and get some clothes on”

“Oh just put your coat on, you’ll be fine” Linda told her firmly, “that’s all I’m planning on wearing. We’ll only be a tick”

And so clad only in shoes and a coat Marion trotted across the road after a strident Linda who was already rapping earnestly on Dick Standing’s door.

When he answered Bob’s flabby face broke into an evil grin. “O ho, my naked neighbour”

“Can we come in, Bob, we’ve something to show you”

“No thanks, I’ve already seen all you’ve got to offer, Linda”

“You haven’t seen what I’ve been got” Marion told him.

Bob bit his lip to stop himself advising her she to be more careful when closing her curtains a night.

“It’s about flashing, in a way”

“I, er, I’m sorry, I don’t understand.” He replied, understanding full well why these two harpies were at his door.

“Of course you do Bob” Linda said curtly as she pushed past him, “we’ve a photo to show you”

Dick raced after Linda, “Now come back here Linda Frost, you can’t barge in here just like that”

Marion followed them into the Standing’s finely decorated living room. Linda was standing in front of the ornate fire place, one arm stretched languidly across the wooden mantel, while her left hand fingered the buttons on her coat. “Gemma in Bob?” she asked peremptorily. Dick shook his head.

“Pity; never mind we can show her the picture later. Show Bob the snap you took last night Marion”

Marion held the camera up. Bob took it from her and squinted at the small screen.
“I can’t see anything here, what’s it supposed to be?”

“Really, Bob. Your eyesight must be going. You know what they say” replied Linda with heavy sarcasm, “Surely you recognise your front garden and that portly figure of a man trying to cover himself with a bush? Ah well perhaps we’ll wait for Gemma to come back, maybe she’ll see someone she knows poised with his camera”

“Oh dear” Dick said “I appear to have just deleted the picture. I’m so sorry” He handed the camera back to Marion, who began to laugh.

“Oh dear” mimicked Linda “I’ve just pressed send on my email to Gemma. How stupid do you think we are Bob”

“Stupid enough to go wandering the streets in the nude at night” he snapped back.

“Now, now Bob. Careful what you say” Marion told him, “Isla has a journalist friend who would be very interested in this picture” she paused, “in fact you may have met her, she printed the picture of Linda, you know the one you took when you just happened to wake up and just happened to have looked out of the window, and just happened to have your camera ready. I’m sure she’d love to know more about your dirty little night time habits”

Dick Standing stood silent. “I think we need some more pictures don’t you, Bob?”
she asked walking over to him, “Just you and me together” she said putting her arm around his shoulder, “come on Bob smile for the camera” she told him as he pushed her away. “Ah” she said “I forgot, you only take pictures of me in my birthday suit, silly me” And with that she dropped her coat. When they viewed the picture later, Dick’s rotund face bore exactly the same look of utter shock that he showed that previous night.

“Oh come on Bob, why are you so shocked, after all you’ve seen it all before” Linda told him as she stood there, hands on hips, pointy breasts jutting out. Marion moved carefully so she could picture her stark naked friend’s full frontal body and include a reflection of Bob’s gawping face in the mirror above the fireplace.

“How about some pictures with you Marion?” said Linda quickly.

“Oh, I don’t know” she began.

“Bet he’s got pictures of you in the nude too, squirreled away on his little hard drive. Peek at Marion through the curtains, did you Bob, bet you got Isla too”

“No” he replied indignantly, but Marion could see the truth in his eyes.

“Liar” she told him. Even so, there was no way she was going to give him the pleasure of perusing her bare body. But Marion’s bare body had other ideas and before her sensible brain had any idea what was happening she was stepping out of her coat which lay like a puddle on the pale green carpet. Bob nearly choked on his tongue as he tried to speak. Linda giggled and, grabbing the camera from Marion proceeded to snap way. The depth of the water beneath him began to seep into Bob Standing’s consciousness and he made a grab for Linda, and more importantly the camera. She skipped from his grasp and ran for the stairs. Up she bounded, laughing raucously with bare buttocks quivering as Bob raced after her. Marion followed at a more sedate pace. At the top of the stairs, Linda paused and turned, presenting Dick with an eyeful her newly trimmed jet black pubic hair. He lunged for the camera but Linda was too quick, she tossed it to Marion and she was gone. Dick turned and began to descend towards her only to freeze at the sound of Linda’s voice raised in triumph. “You’ve left your computer on Bob, let’s see what you’ve got saved!”

Turning again he scampered up the stairs and into a small bedroom at the front of the house. As she reached the top of the stairs Marion saw Bob desperately trying to switch the machine off.

“In here Marion” hissed Linda. Naked as the day she was born Marion stepped into her neighbours’, Bob and Gemma Standing’s, bedroom to find Linda lying on the bed, legs wide apart revealing the inner secrets of her vagina for all to see. “Quick, take a snap” she told her. Marion took the picture just in time, for Dick came rushing through the door, “Nooooo” he shouted as her reached for the camera. But he was off balance and fell right on top of Linda. It was too good an opportunity to miss and Marion took the incriminating photo. Bob shot up and raced for Marion, but she was gone, breasts bouncing as she took the stairs two at a time.

“Come back Bob, we haven’t finished, you can’t just leave me like this naked and alone” Linda called as she ran after them. Marion stopped at the foot of the stairs and threw the camera past Bob to Linda who caught it deftly and then stopped. Wheezing from exertion Dick turned towards her. He held his hand out more in hope than expectation. Hope springs eternal, but not for Dick Standing that autumn morning. Linda stood there as bare as a penny half way down his stairs, her jet black pubic mound in line of sight with his eyes. She held the camera at arms length.

“This what you want, Bob, or is there something else that catches your eye?” And with a wicked smile she tossed the camera to Marion by the door. Suddenly Dick’s mood brightened, he had Linda trapped on the stairs and although Marion was free to escape with the camera, she would not be able to get her coat in time. He was betting she wasn’t keen on crossing Belvior Avenue in the altogether.

While he was thinking of success Linda was acting.

“Stand still Bob” she told him “or I’ll drop it” Bob spun around to face Linda who was leaning over the banisters. He had to admire the effect of gravity on her breasts as they swayed in a very appealing manner above the patterned tiles that covered the floor of the hall. Lust, however was shunted into the back seat of the car when he caught site of Gemma’s favourite black and gold porcelain vase that Linda held in her hands. He lunged for the stairs to tackle her only to be forced into a desperate change of direction as Linda let go of his wife’s treasured possession. There was a deadening crunch as Bob landed heavily on the floor. His squeal of pain turned to a sigh of relief as his outstretched hands clasped the vase.

All of this gave Linda the time to skip past him towards the front door where Marion waited with camera and the vital coats. They slammed the door behind them as Bob was crawling awkwardly to his feet, there was no damage to the vase, but judging from the creaking of Bob’s kneecaps they were in need some superglue.

Marion hid behind the very laurel bush that Bob had used for cover the previous evening.

“I think we may have upset him” she told Linda as she put her coat on.

“I’m damn certain we did, let’s get these photos safely stored on the computer” she told Marion as she headed for the street, only to find her friend dragging at her arm.

“Put your coat on Linda”

“No time for that, He’ll be out in a jiffy”

“You can’t go wandering across the street in buff, what will the neighbours think?”

“I’ve already been paraded around the neighbourhood stark naked by my husband, Marion; besides we are the neighbours”

“Do you want anyone seeing you come from Dick Standing’s house in the all together? What might they think?”

Linda expression took on the appearance of a small child finding out that a Brussels Sprout is not the delicious titbit she had been led to believe.

“Excellent point” said Linda putting on her coat. The delay was nearly costly, as Bob came bursting out of his front door at that very moment, only to trip over Marion’s carelessly stretched out foot. There was sickening crunch as his already damaged knees were involved in a close encounter with the concrete path.

Laughing like two schoolgirls who had just got away with sandbagging the school bully Marion and Linda ran for home. They were just catching their breath in the hallway when the doorbell rang. This was followed by an urgent rapping. The letterbox was poked open and a pair of dark eyes peered in.

“I want that camera” Dick shouted.

“Stop peeking, you dirty little man” scolded Linda “I might have had no clothes on” And with that she took off her coat.

“Give me the camera, so I can delete the pictures”

“Too late” called Marion who stood to one side out of Dick’s sight, “I’ve just uploaded them to my websafe”

Dick banged on the door. Linda hooked up the security chain and opened it, making sure that Dick had a good view of her bare body.

“Here’s the deal, Bob” she told him, “I know you have a hard drive full of pictures of me in the nude, and Marion and Isla, and I know nothing is going to stop you taking more. So you can take as many pictures of us with no clothes on as you want. But” she paused, looked at Marion and smiled, “but, if one photograph of any of us appears in print or on the web, two things are going to happen. One, those pictures of me on your bed are being sent to Gemma, and two, the picture of you in the garden with the camera goes to Marion’s journalist friend”

Now there was silence. Bob Standing had met his Waterloo, and slunk quietly away. Linda watched him all the way to his front door, before closing hers.

“Did you really have time to upload the photos?” she asked.

“No. I lied” replied Marion, “Let’s go and look at them”

“Oh my” said Linda as she viewed herself spread across the Standing’s marital bed, “I’m a trifle overexposed in that picture, and I’m not talking about the lighting” She roared at her own joke.

“Fancy a walk tonight, Marion? Give old Dick a thrill. He’ll be out there with his camera, I bet”

“I’m sure he will but I think we should leave it for a week, let him shiver in his front garden with nothing to show for it.”

Linda rubbed the palms of her hands together, “Oh yes, I like the sound of that”
They continued to wade their way through the surprisingly large amount of pictures they had taken.

“God, I look like a slut in that one” Linda remarked.

“Well you’re stark naked, leaning over the stairs, and the camera is focused right up your front backside” Marion pointed out, “not much chance of looking anything else really. Oh my” she exclaimed “I don’t look much better myself”

“Tell you what,” Linda pointed out “Old Dick Standing is living up to his name in that picture”

Marion was none too keen on being the object of Bob Standing’s sexual attractions so she decided to change the subject.

“What about a proper walk?”

“What do you mean?”

“A proper walk, in the country, in the daylight”

“I don’t know” replied Linda with little enthusiasm.

“Nude of course”

Linda brightened “On the other hand.” She stopped and thought. “Do you think the boys would be up for it?”

“Brian wouldn’t be keen” Marion knew this for an understatement.

“Kev would go if Brain was doing it”

“I’ve an idea. If you tell Kevin that Brian is keen.” She paused. “No better still tell him it was his idea, and then I’ll tell Brian it was Kev’s brainchild”

“That’ll work” replied Linda with a mischievous grin, “now where shall we go?”

“I Know just the place, quiet with woods to hide in. Have you got a map?”