29

27

But Julie Lewis never got to see the photos of Dick Standing skulking in the bushes like a twitcher waiting for a rare bird. This was due to Linda, who got to see the picture first, and she had other ideas.

“We have him now” she said as she clapped her hands with glee. They were sitting in her kitchen basking in the glow of the central heating, which wasn’t really required if you were prepared to wear some clothes.

“We need to confront him, if Gemma sees this he will be done for. Come on”

“What right now” Marion complained, “I’ll have to go back and get some clothes on”

“Oh just put your coat on, you’ll be fine” Linda told her firmly, “that’s all I’m planning on wearing. We’ll only be a tick”

And so clad only in shoes and a coat Marion trotted across the road after a strident Linda who was already rapping earnestly on Dick Standing’s door.

When he answered Bob’s flabby face broke into an evil grin. “O ho, my naked neighbour”

“Can we come in, Bob, we’ve something to show you”

“No thanks, I’ve already seen all you’ve got to offer, Linda”

“You haven’t seen what I’ve been got” Marion told him.

Bob bit his lip to stop himself advising her she to be more careful when closing her curtains a night.

“It’s about flashing, in a way”

“I, er, I’m sorry, I don’t understand.” He replied, understanding full well why these two harpies were at his door.

“Of course you do Bob” Linda said curtly as she pushed past him, “we’ve a photo to show you”

Dick raced after Linda, “Now come back here Linda Frost, you can’t barge in here just like that”

Marion followed them into the Standing’s finely decorated living room. Linda was standing in front of the ornate fire place, one arm stretched languidly across the wooden mantel, while her left hand fingered the buttons on her coat. “Gemma in Bob?” she asked peremptorily. Dick shook his head.

“Pity; never mind we can show her the picture later. Show Bob the snap you took last night Marion”

Marion held the camera up. Bob took it from her and squinted at the small screen.
“I can’t see anything here, what’s it supposed to be?”

“Really, Bob. Your eyesight must be going. You know what they say” replied Linda with heavy sarcasm, “Surely you recognise your front garden and that portly figure of a man trying to cover himself with a bush? Ah well perhaps we’ll wait for Gemma to come back, maybe she’ll see someone she knows poised with his camera”

“Oh dear” Dick said “I appear to have just deleted the picture. I’m so sorry” He handed the camera back to Marion, who began to laugh.

“Oh dear” mimicked Linda “I’ve just pressed send on my email to Gemma. How stupid do you think we are Bob”

“Stupid enough to go wandering the streets in the nude at night” he snapped back.

“Now, now Bob. Careful what you say” Marion told him, “Isla has a journalist friend who would be very interested in this picture” she paused, “in fact you may have met her, she printed the picture of Linda, you know the one you took when you just happened to wake up and just happened to have looked out of the window, and just happened to have your camera ready. I’m sure she’d love to know more about your dirty little night time habits”

Dick Standing stood silent. “I think we need some more pictures don’t you, Bob?”
she asked walking over to him, “Just you and me together” she said putting her arm around his shoulder, “come on Bob smile for the camera” she told him as he pushed her away. “Ah” she said “I forgot, you only take pictures of me in my birthday suit, silly me” And with that she dropped her coat. When they viewed the picture later, Dick’s rotund face bore exactly the same look of utter shock that he showed that previous night.

“Oh come on Bob, why are you so shocked, after all you’ve seen it all before” Linda told him as she stood there, hands on hips, pointy breasts jutting out. Marion moved carefully so she could picture her stark naked friend’s full frontal body and include a reflection of Bob’s gawping face in the mirror above the fireplace.

“How about some pictures with you Marion?” said Linda quickly.

“Oh, I don’t know” she began.

“Bet he’s got pictures of you in the nude too, squirreled away on his little hard drive. Peek at Marion through the curtains, did you Bob, bet you got Isla too”

“No” he replied indignantly, but Marion could see the truth in his eyes.

“Liar” she told him. Even so, there was no way she was going to give him the pleasure of perusing her bare body. But Marion’s bare body had other ideas and before her sensible brain had any idea what was happening she was stepping out of her coat which lay like a puddle on the pale green carpet. Bob nearly choked on his tongue as he tried to speak. Linda giggled and, grabbing the camera from Marion proceeded to snap way. The depth of the water beneath him began to seep into Bob Standing’s consciousness and he made a grab for Linda, and more importantly the camera. She skipped from his grasp and ran for the stairs. Up she bounded, laughing raucously with bare buttocks quivering as Bob raced after her. Marion followed at a more sedate pace. At the top of the stairs, Linda paused and turned, presenting Dick with an eyeful her newly trimmed jet black pubic hair. He lunged for the camera but Linda was too quick, she tossed it to Marion and she was gone. Dick turned and began to descend towards her only to freeze at the sound of Linda’s voice raised in triumph. “You’ve left your computer on Bob, let’s see what you’ve got saved!”

Turning again he scampered up the stairs and into a small bedroom at the front of the house. As she reached the top of the stairs Marion saw Bob desperately trying to switch the machine off.

“In here Marion” hissed Linda. Naked as the day she was born Marion stepped into her neighbours’, Bob and Gemma Standing’s, bedroom to find Linda lying on the bed, legs wide apart revealing the inner secrets of her vagina for all to see. “Quick, take a snap” she told her. Marion took the picture just in time, for Dick came rushing through the door, “Nooooo” he shouted as her reached for the camera. But he was off balance and fell right on top of Linda. It was too good an opportunity to miss and Marion took the incriminating photo. Bob shot up and raced for Marion, but she was gone, breasts bouncing as she took the stairs two at a time.

“Come back Bob, we haven’t finished, you can’t just leave me like this naked and alone” Linda called as she ran after them. Marion stopped at the foot of the stairs and threw the camera past Bob to Linda who caught it deftly and then stopped. Wheezing from exertion Dick turned towards her. He held his hand out more in hope than expectation. Hope springs eternal, but not for Dick Standing that autumn morning. Linda stood there as bare as a penny half way down his stairs, her jet black pubic mound in line of sight with his eyes. She held the camera at arms length.

“This what you want, Bob, or is there something else that catches your eye?” And with a wicked smile she tossed the camera to Marion by the door. Suddenly Dick’s mood brightened, he had Linda trapped on the stairs and although Marion was free to escape with the camera, she would not be able to get her coat in time. He was betting she wasn’t keen on crossing Belvior Avenue in the altogether.

While he was thinking of success Linda was acting.

“Stand still Bob” she told him “or I’ll drop it” Bob spun around to face Linda who was leaning over the banisters. He had to admire the effect of gravity on her breasts as they swayed in a very appealing manner above the patterned tiles that covered the floor of the hall. Lust, however was shunted into the back seat of the car when he caught site of Gemma’s favourite black and gold porcelain vase that Linda held in her hands. He lunged for the stairs to tackle her only to be forced into a desperate change of direction as Linda let go of his wife’s treasured possession. There was a deadening crunch as Bob landed heavily on the floor. His squeal of pain turned to a sigh of relief as his outstretched hands clasped the vase.

All of this gave Linda the time to skip past him towards the front door where Marion waited with camera and the vital coats. They slammed the door behind them as Bob was crawling awkwardly to his feet, there was no damage to the vase, but judging from the creaking of Bob’s kneecaps they were in need some superglue.

Marion hid behind the very laurel bush that Bob had used for cover the previous evening.

“I think we may have upset him” she told Linda as she put her coat on.

“I’m damn certain we did, let’s get these photos safely stored on the computer” she told Marion as she headed for the street, only to find her friend dragging at her arm.

“Put your coat on Linda”

“No time for that, He’ll be out in a jiffy”

“You can’t go wandering across the street in buff, what will the neighbours think?”

“I’ve already been paraded around the neighbourhood stark naked by my husband, Marion; besides we are the neighbours”

“Do you want anyone seeing you come from Dick Standing’s house in the all together? What might they think?”

Linda expression took on the appearance of a small child finding out that a Brussels Sprout is not the delicious titbit she had been led to believe.

“Excellent point” said Linda putting on her coat. The delay was nearly costly, as Bob came bursting out of his front door at that very moment, only to trip over Marion’s carelessly stretched out foot. There was sickening crunch as his already damaged knees were involved in a close encounter with the concrete path.

Laughing like two schoolgirls who had just got away with sandbagging the school bully Marion and Linda ran for home. They were just catching their breath in the hallway when the doorbell rang. This was followed by an urgent rapping. The letterbox was poked open and a pair of dark eyes peered in.

“I want that camera” Dick shouted.

“Stop peeking, you dirty little man” scolded Linda “I might have had no clothes on” And with that she took off her coat.

“Give me the camera, so I can delete the pictures”

“Too late” called Marion who stood to one side out of Dick’s sight, “I’ve just uploaded them to my websafe”

Dick banged on the door. Linda hooked up the security chain and opened it, making sure that Dick had a good view of her bare body.

“Here’s the deal, Bob” she told him, “I know you have a hard drive full of pictures of me in the nude, and Marion and Isla, and I know nothing is going to stop you taking more. So you can take as many pictures of us with no clothes on as you want. But” she paused, looked at Marion and smiled, “but, if one photograph of any of us appears in print or on the web, two things are going to happen. One, those pictures of me on your bed are being sent to Gemma, and two, the picture of you in the garden with the camera goes to Marion’s journalist friend”

Now there was silence. Bob Standing had met his Waterloo, and slunk quietly away. Linda watched him all the way to his front door, before closing hers.

“Did you really have time to upload the photos?” she asked.

“No. I lied” replied Marion, “Let’s go and look at them”

“Oh my” said Linda as she viewed herself spread across the Standing’s marital bed, “I’m a trifle overexposed in that picture, and I’m not talking about the lighting” She roared at her own joke.

“Fancy a walk tonight, Marion? Give old Dick a thrill. He’ll be out there with his camera, I bet”

“I’m sure he will but I think we should leave it for a week, let him shiver in his front garden with nothing to show for it.”

Linda rubbed the palms of her hands together, “Oh yes, I like the sound of that”
They continued to wade their way through the surprisingly large amount of pictures they had taken.

“God, I look like a slut in that one” Linda remarked.

“Well you’re stark naked, leaning over the stairs, and the camera is focused right up your front backside” Marion pointed out, “not much chance of looking anything else really. Oh my” she exclaimed “I don’t look much better myself”

“Tell you what,” Linda pointed out “Old Dick Standing is living up to his name in that picture”

Marion was none too keen on being the object of Bob Standing’s sexual attractions so she decided to change the subject.

“What about a proper walk?”

“What do you mean?”

“A proper walk, in the country, in the daylight”

“I don’t know” replied Linda with little enthusiasm.

“Nude of course”

Linda brightened “On the other hand.” She stopped and thought. “Do you think the boys would be up for it?”

“Brian wouldn’t be keen” Marion knew this for an understatement.

“Kev would go if Brain was doing it”

“I’ve an idea. If you tell Kevin that Brian is keen.” She paused. “No better still tell him it was his idea, and then I’ll tell Brian it was Kev’s brainchild”

“That’ll work” replied Linda with a mischievous grin, “now where shall we go?”

“I Know just the place, quiet with woods to hide in. Have you got a map?”

26

Left alone to mooch once more in the front garden staring at the green door of chez Shaw, Kevin’s mood blackened. What were the two witches up to in there? His contempt spread out from his perfidious wife to all of her sex. Had they not all been responsible for the fall? And should they all not be forced to pay? Wanton daughters of Eve! He’d speak to Brain, he should force his wife to be naked at all times too, that’s what women needed, the slap of firm discipline. The creak of the opening door broke into his angry manifesto.

“Come in” Brian told him, “I think you should be prepared for a bit of a shock”

“I’ve had more than a bit of a shock Brian, I don’t think anything could surprise me now”

But it did, as soon as he entered the kitchen his jaw dropped towards the patterned tiles and his legs froze as still as a bird stained statue. He had read about the medical phenomenon of lucid dreams, where realty was mixed with fantasy. That was the only explanation for there, flanking his naked wife, were two bare bookends. One he recognised, well he knew the face, the sturdy breasts with their long pink nipples were something new, as was the hairy vagina above the heavy thighs that had been last seen forcing their way out of a very unfashionable pair of shorts. Now here they were again freed from their shackles taking on a different perspective. Kevin had to admit that on the whole Marion looked much better out her clothes than in, and pretty good for her age too, he thought charitably.

If Marion opened the debate for universal female nudity then the little hottie at the end closed it, won the vote before moving onto the valedictory vote of thanks. Huge plump melon shaped mammaries jutted firmly from her chest, casting a shadow on a nice flat stomach and a smooth hairless vagina. Had he looked Kevin would have appreciated her pretty face and long curly black hair, but his eyes never strayed higher than her neck.

Marion waited while Kevin drank his fill, then she smiled, not a nice smile, it was a vicious smile, tipped with contempt and menace. But then Kevin wasn’t looking at Marion’s face either.

“I think you’ve had a good enough look, Kev” she said evenly, “Now let’s all sit down.”

Kevin and Brian sat one side of the table while three pairs of breasts lined up opposite them, six pert nipples pointing accusingly at Linda’s husband. Brian sat passively wringing his hands beneath the table out of sight of the women. He was afraid, very afraid. Kevin, however, still not sure if he was awake or not, drooled like a pubescent boy in a nudist camp.

“Kevin, your behaviour today has been disgraceful” Marion told him bluntly. “This stops now” She sounded like a strict headmistress dressing down a small boy, except Kevin was a grown man and it was Marion who was dressed down. “It has got to stop”

“Wait a minute” he said, realising that this was no dream, and wasn’t he was the one wronged against “I didn’t start this, Linda did. You wouldn’t catch me wandering the streets naked in the middle of the night”

“Nor me” replied Julie, as Marion looked at Brain and Brian looked straight back at his wife. Neither of them daring to breathe, “but that doesn’t excuse the way you have treated your wife”

Kevin finally managed to drag his eyes away from Julie’s magnificent pair of breasts and their flat pale brown nipples. “Who the hell are you anyway and why are you here?”

“This is Julie, she’s a friend of Isla’s. She just stopped by for a chat”

“That figures”

“How?”

“That explains why you are all sitting here in the buff. This is all your daughter’s fault” he said looking firmly at Marion, “running around in the nicy naky noo”

‘No it’s not’ thought Brian, staring fixedly at his wife too. Calm under fire Marion continued.

“We’re not here to talk about Isla, Kevin; we are discussing you and Linda”

“It’s none of your business” he said bluntly

“But you made it our business by forcing her to turn up naked at our front door”

“I was just visiting,” he replied trying to sound nonchalant “and Linda was wearing her normal attire for strolling around the street.” He spat out the last part of the sentence with such venom that Linda winced.

Marion continued as if he had not spoken “and then she announced herself as a slut…..her words or yours?”

“So what” Kevin decided to brazen it out, after all Marion was just another shameless, naked whorebitch.

“I think you should know that any divorce lawyer worth his salt would have you out of that house and give custody of your son to your wife with no access”

Kevin stared at Julie, this time he looked deep into her eyes. He saw no fear there at all. Cautious now he asked “What are you, some kind of naked lawyer?”

“No” she told him, “I’m a naked reporter”

That, thought Kevin, was much worse. Like an Antarctic glacier sliding inexorably towards the deep blue sea he began to realise he was in serious trouble, and had been for some time.

“And I’ve just listened to Linda’s story. I believe her and I’m sure all my readers will too”

It was over, too late now Kevin realised he was past the tipping point. An ocean of cold fear flushed all the anger from Kevin in less than a second. What would people think of him, what would he have though, reading such an article about another man? He looked at Julie in the certain knowledge that anyone who would sit there stark naked in support of Linda would not present his side of the case. The article would have more spin than a fairground carousel.

“It would make a good series, several articles over a month I think” Julie told him, smiling sweetly.

Broken now, Kevin held his head in his hands in defeat “Oh my God,” he muttered quietly, “what have I done.” He looked at his naked wife. “Can you ever forgive me?”
Reaching across the table he gently took her hand. “I’m so sorry” he told her.

Close to tears Linda replied “I’m sorry too Kev, I shouldn’t have”

“But why, love, why did you do it? What could possess you to walk around in the nude?”

“I don’t know, it’s like a drug I just can’t stop”

“You need help” he told her.

Marion who had been listening to this with a mixture of pleasure and contempt interrupted. It was time to put an end to such talk. There was one fact she knew above all others and that was that she, Marion, the true naked angel didn’t need any help to stop walking the neighbourhood in just her shoes. She had no intention of giving up her night time actives which were in her view were entirely wholesome and frankly nobody else’s business. In fact, she considered herself to be a pillar of the community for if she hadn’t been taking an air bath that chilly spring night Tomas O’Sullivan would be singing with real angels in the heavenly chorus.

She stamped on Kevin’s opinion as a small boy on an ant.“There’s nothing wrong with nudity, we’re all quite happy this side of the table” she told her neighbour haughtily

Kevin looked at her, and asked the question that had been gnawing away at his brain for some time.” Why exactly are you naked Marion?”

Julie answered for her “We’re dressed like this because Linda had no clothes and was too scared face you unless she was in the nude”

“We’re showing solidarity, Kev” Marion told him, steering away from that sticky patch. She pressed on with her attack and smiled as she drew the knife. “Perhaps you should too?”

He looked at her with a face as blank as a leaden winter sky. Then a stiff wind blew away the fog and a wintery ray of realisation spread itself all over Kevin’s face like a twisted shaft of sun.

“You mean me, take all my clothes off” he laughed, “I don’t think so”

As cool as the winter weather Marion slipped the blade between his ribs. “It will make a good story Kev, maybe a series.”

“There’s no need for that, look I’m really sorry, but you have to admit it was a shock” he sounded contrite as he continued “I’ll buy you a whole new wardrobe Linda” He crossed the floor and kneeled in front of her, a repentant child begging for forgiveness. He took her hand “Please Linda”

She ran her fingers through his hair before replying soothingly “It’s Ok Kev, we’ll be Ok now” She looked at Marion, “thanks for everything”

Marion twisted the knife “He has to do it Linda, you know it’s the only way”

Linda held her husband’s head in her hands. “You have to do this Kevin; it was Marion’s only condition for helping me. Believe me, she will do as she says”

Slowly Kevin rose to his feet, knees knocking, he was a defeated man and he knew it. He sighed “Ok, but I’m not getting undressed here”

“Take him into the hall Brain” Marion commanded.

“Come on mate,” Brian said a friendly hand on his shoulder, “tell you what” he continued magnanimously, “I can’t let you do it alone, I’ll join you”

Kevin almost swooned, “Brian, you are a true friend, but you don’t have to”

Brian held up a hand, “No, I insist, it’s the least I can do” he said with all the sincerity he could muster. He smiled at Marion, “you don’t object do you dear?”

His wife gave him a stern look, “no dear, it’s very magnanimous of you” she replied with more than a hint of sarcasm. Linda was clearly taken in by Brian’s unashamed flannel and smiled gratefully at him; Julie Lewis who was more aware of the dress code in the Shaw household was clearly having a hard time suppressing a fit of giggles. She had her face more or less under control, but a very appealing rhythmic vibration in her pendulous breasts betrayed her.

Clearly happy with himself and beaming from ear to ear Brian led Kevin out of the room to begin a new chapter of his life.



Marion was late home from PDQ. She was extremely satisfied with herself. It had been a warm sunny autumnal day and the office had been hot enough for a fully nude afternoon.

“Hi Brian” she called as she closed the door. She’d only had them on for the half hour journey home, but Marion felt no attachment to her clothes so off they came. Brian was reading the evening paper in the lounge. “There are two letters for you in the hall” ha called.

Not strictly true as one was addressed to both of them. She sauntered into the lounge. “Look Brian a wedding invitation”

He looked puzzled, “Who do we know who is getting married?”

“Merri, the secretary at PDQ”

“I suppose that will need a new outfit” he complained grumpily

“I don’t think so, this one will do” she replied

“I don’t understand”

“It’s a clothing optional wedding” she paused before driving in another nail “at a nudist club”

“What, you’re joking, give that here” he snatched the invitation.

Marion smirked at his discomfort as she opened the second letter. It too was an invitation. Her blood ran cold as she read it. Fortunately Brian was too wrapped up in his own dilemma with Merri’s wedding to notice.

“I’ll just make a start on cooking dinner shall I?” she said and retired to the kitchen.


An unseasonably warm autumn night, hot and sweaty, undoubtedly summer’s last throw of the dice. Brian thrashed about under the duvet as once again he roamed naked through his work. For his wife, who had actually done this, it was a dream come true. Fro Brain it was nightmare. “So you’re the naked angel are you” John poured scorn on him as Jan sat lasciviously on his lap stroking his hair. “Don’t be ridiculous that was my neighbour”

“So why have you come to work in the nude?” he asked with a pitying glance at Brian’s nether regions.
“I’m going to a wedding after work” the dreaming Brian replied desperately.

“Where’s your suit” asked John as Jan started to blow seductively on his neck.

“I’m wearing it”

“That’s not a wedding suit, that’s a birthday suit, you’re not going to a birthday are you” Jan giggled as she licked John’s ear.

“It’s at a nudist resort” Brian said in a small voice as Jan and Jon leered at him.

“So you’re a nudist are you? Running around in the woods in the rudey nudey”

“No, no, it’s not me it’s a friend of my wife, no, no”

Brian woke with a start, drenched in sweat. He reached to Marion for comfort but she wasn’t there. He had fallen straight from a bad dream into a waking nightmare. Leaping out of bed he raced to the window and looked out. The trees at the bottom of the garden had lost some of their leaves leaving a clear view of part of the lane. Two figures, much barer than the tree branches slipped past. Brain raced for the stairs, and then stopped at a sudden thought. Dick Standing what if….. He dashed into Isla’s empty bedroom at the front of the house, cursing as he stubbed his bare toe on a discarded hairdryer. Carefully parting the curtains he peeked out at the Standing residence. All seem quiet, he breathed a heartfelt sigh of relief and was about to hunt down the elusive Marion when he caught a movement from the corner of his eye. Dick Standing had become bolder and had relocated to the cover of a bush in his front garden for a better shot. He lay there as still as a sniper waiting for a careless victim to stray into his sights.

Brain hurtled from the room faster than a cartoon character with a bomb and dashed down the stairs. The sudden light hurt his eyes as he burst through the kitchen door en route to the garden. The sight of Marion sitting calmly at the table brought him to a sudden halt.

Marion was just as surprised as Brian. Fortunately his elephantine descent of the stairs had given her time to hide the invitation card before her husband arrived. It was clear however that Brian had other things on his mind.

“Thank God, Marion, I thought you were outside”

“And why should I be outside”

“I just saw two nudes walking along the lane”

“And you thought”

“Well yes after all we have…..”

Her mood brightened “You fancy another trip, I see you’re dressed for it”

In his hurry Brain had forgotten to put any clothes on.

“Didn’t you hear me Marion. There are two naked people in the lane”

She smiled, how things can change. “Linda and Kevin. She told me about it. I think we should stay inside tonight, they’ll want their privacy”

“Well they won’t get it. Dick standing is in his front garden, flash charged and camera ready”

“What” exclaimed Marion “Show me”

Brain admired the expanse of his wife’s bottom as she peered out of the curtains in his daughter’s empty bedroom.

“Get the camera Brian, we’ll give him a spoonful of his own medicine”

Five minutes later he was back “Sorry” he whispered “I couldn’t find it” He shoved a robe at his naked wife “put this on, we don’t want him taking photos back do we”

“Good point” she said wrapping it around her ample bosom on carefully opening the window. “Just stay still a moment” she whispered. The camera flash lit up the street like lightning, which was quickly followed by thunder from Dick’s garden as he threw himself to into a laurel bush. Marion hid behind the curtains and checked the camera memory. “Got him, poised and ready to shoot, wait till Julie Lewis gets this”

25

allowed his eyes to fall from hers. Today was the day for new breasts, first the large and now the small. His eyes paused in their divine descant as he admired Linda’s puffy little nipples. Having drunk his fill at that particular table he continued his exploration down through a flat freckle speckled stomach with its deep navel, and onwards forever south towards the triangular patch of deep black pubic hair that thickened towards the hidden entrance to her vagina. Again he paused at this base camp before setting out onward down her long thin legs until he reached her painted toenails. Withy no more flesh to view his astonished eyes bounced back up like a perverted rubber ball taking in a second glorious view before stopping at the sight of her husband Kev at the end of his red brick drive.

Linda cleared her throat and in a small voice said “I am standing her naked because I want to know I am a slut who does not deserve to wear any clothing. I have no modesty and I want everyone to look at my bare flesh and……”

At this point the astonished Brain was roughly pushed to one side, and Marion, who thankfully had found a baggy dress, grabbed Linda’s hand and dragged into the hall. Kev made a move, but he was too late, Marion slammed the door in his face. The doorbell ding donged maniacally to no effect “Sod off Kevin” shouted Marion through the letter box.

Meanwhile Julie Lewis was caught on the horns of a dilemma. Clearly something important was going down and her journalistic instinct told her to find out what it was and to do that right away. Holding her back was the very human instinct that insisted she put some clothes on first. Not for the first time the journalist won and with only her trusty pen and wire wound notebook to cover her modesty Julie stepped into the hall to find the naked angel sobbing on Marion’s shoulder.

“It’s ok, there, there” said Marion soothingly as if Linda was a two year old who had lost her favourite doll. Marion reached for a coat, “put this on” Julie was so busy scribbling on her pad she never thought that in a brief moment she would have been the only one naked in the hallway.

“No, no” screamed Linda pushing the coat away, “I must never wear clothes again”

“What?” exclaimed Marion over the noise of the ringing doorbell. She turned to her husband, “Go outside and talk to that moron Brian, and find out what this is all about”

“I can’t open the door, he’ll burst in”

“Then go out the back way”

“Ah, yes” he muttered “Excuse me” he said apologetically to the naked woman blocking the entrance to the kitchen. Suddenly Linda was aware of Julie’s presence.

“Who’s she?” she demanded

“Friend of Isla’s”

“Why’s she writing everything down?”

“She’s a journalist”

“What, I’m not having anything in the paper I’m in enough trouble as it is”

Marion couldn’t see how Linda could possibly in any deeper than she was at the moment. She was up to her neck in a riptide that was still on the flood

“It’s OK” said Julie soothingly; “I’m on your side”

“How do I know that” Marion couldn’t blame Linda for being suspicious.

”I’m naked for a start” Julie replied quickly. That stopped Linda like a mouse in the path of a raging bull elephant. “I’m a friend of Isla, I’ve been on protests with her, naked. I wrote the sympathetic articles that appeared in the Mercury”

“So why are you here naked Linda?” asked Marion

“I am a slut and a whore who does not does not deserve to wear clothing. I have exposed my naked body…..”

”Yes yes, I got that bit. But why are you doing this? Is Kev forcing you”

This brought Linda back to tears again. Marion offered her a handkerchief from her pocket.

“Oh I’m forgetting my manners” Marion said as Linda sniffed. “If you won’t get dressed than I must join you” and without further ado Marion shucked her dress. “There, that’s better. Now, let’s sit down and talk this through”

Haltingly with many pauses for sniffs and choking sobs Linda related her story to the sympathetic Marion and Julie who had finally found her recorder and its tiny little solid state notebook took on the daunting task of saving the whole tragedy of Shakespearian proportions for posterity.

Naturally her husband had not been over the moon to find out that his wife went for midnight walks through the locality in her birthday suit. Neither was the manner of his discovery of this little known fact to his liking. So when the world weary police had finished with Linda he had started. Firstly he shredded all her clothes with a wicked knife. This act was founded upon the simple logic that if she walked around naked she didn’t need any clothes. Then as he rubbed his fingers along the knife blade he ordered her to strip. Silently in dumb shock Linda had complied watching numbly as her husband tore each discarded item into little strips before her tear filled eyes.

“This is how you will stay, bitch” he had screamed “unless you want a divorce, and then you will never see my son again” The threat sliced through Linda like the knife in his hand and she fell to the floor begging, pleading with her husband. She’d do anything she told him, but please don’t cut her off from her child. He’d lifted her up by her hair, and literally spat the words in her face “Just remember you’re an unfit mother, no judge in the land would allow you to come within a mile of my son” He’d left her then to shout obscenities at the press pack gathered outside the door. It was after an hour of sobbing that she finally ventured out of the bedroom. Despite the many hours she had spent naked alone, or in the company of Marion she now felt very nervous and very conscious of her nudity. She found Kevin pacing the kitchen. Linda ventured a timid smile, “Fix my dinner slut” he shouted at her. “Bring it to me when it is ready” he told her as he pushed roughly past her. She winced as the table edge dug into her bare buttocks.
He had forced her to stand naked in the corner while he eat, ordering her to fetch drinks and extra food. She had obeyed humbly, waiting for the mood to subside. But it didn’t, her husband paced the room like a caged animal, occasionally stopping so scream in her face, spittle splashing her eyes and mixing with her tears. She wanted to run but feared his anger would grow.

“What do you want from me Kevin?” she pleaded falling to her knees pawing at his legs. He kicked roughly in the chest. Linda lay there on the carpet sobbing while he ranted on and on. She was an unfit mother no less than a whore, and that was how he was going to treat her. From now on, she would live naked. Should they have visitors she would stay naked and wait on them, fulfilling their every desire. She would clean the house, cook the meals wash his clothes in the nude. “You should be grateful to me cow” he screamed “I’m saving you from the work involved in washing by keeping you bare arsed” Of course she was free to leave anytime she wanted, but without her clothes. At the end of this tirade Kevin sent his wife stitchless to the kitchen to wait his further bidding.

At half past five her husband kicked open the kitchen door. Linda stood quivering like a leaf in a downpour. He was red in the face and stood stock still fists clenched.

“Do you know what I have just watched. Well do you bitch” Linda shook her head wearily. “The local news; and do you know whose picture they showed” She swallowed hard and nodded slowly

“Some naked whore walking along our street, and you know what, she looked just like the harlot in front of me.”
Linda clasped her hand to her forehead “I’m sorry Kevin, I’m so sorry, I never thought”

He cut her off “Do you think they all saw, the neighbours I mean. Do you think all of them know what you look like with no clothes on?”

She didn’t know what to say, “I’m so sorry”

“Sorry” he screamed his voice almost unrecognisable, “not as sorry as you will be” He grabbed her roughly by the hand and dragged her towards the front door.

“No Kevin, please” she pleaded.

“Just in case any of the neighbours missed the news let us show them what they missed” he growled through gritted teeth as he pushed her into the street.

Linda was in a blind panic now as she stood on her front path exposed for all to see. She leaded forward, head down, one hand covering her breasts and the other clasped tightly over her vagina. “Don’t act all coy you brazen hussy, you were letting it all hang out last night” He dropped his voice and in a menacing tone told her hold her arms by her side.

“Now let’s go and visit Brain and Marion” he told her with a smile, “let them see you for what you really are. Kevin held open the gate and Linda stepped out, her bare feet very conscious of the cold pavement. The windows of the houses stared down on her. Was anyone there, looking out at her? She dared not look to see. Thankfully there was the street was as bare as she was for the short journey to her friend and neighbour’s door.

“Ring the bell bitch, and when they open let them have a good look before you tell the type of woman you really are”

Linda stood in front of the green door shaking in fear and shock, hoping with all her heart that it would be Marion who answered.

Kevin’s rage had receded by the time Brian found him sitting in his front garden idly dead heading his roses.

“Hi mate” Kevin looked up at Brian, his face expressionless.

“Why did she do it Brian?” he asked without preamble “What is the point of walking around the streets o the nude”

Brian scratched his head “Dunno” Even though ne had done so himself, he wasn’t exactly sure why he allowed Marion to drag him off through that warm summer’s night.

“I feel so betrayed, all these months she’s being doing this and I didn’t know. People must think I’m a mug”

“Oh come on Kevin” cajoled Brian “once you are asleep how are you expected to find out” That set them both thinking. How often did their respective wives take the midnight air in their birthday suits?
”What I’d like to know, Brian continued “is what the hell Dick Standing was doing staring out of his window at three o’clock in the morning , camera in hand”

Kevin paused; he looked at his hand which contained geranium seed that he plucked from the plants growing on the verge. It was as fine as dust. With one finger he pushed them into one of the folds of his palm, one of his lifelines. He sighed, a sudden exhalation that spread the seeds into the welcoming earth

“Good point Brian, perhaps we should have a word” Brian was inclined to agree, was Dick peering through the cracks in the curtains with his telephoto lens, what sort of pictures were squirreled away on his hard drive. He was a certain as the fate of a Christmas turkey that there were many, many picture of his daughter in the nude saved on Dick’s computer. But as they were freely available all over the internet he could hardly complain

“Later Kev, let’s sort this out first”

“There’s nothing to sort out Brian, the bitch got what was coming to her. What they doing in there anyway”

“Having powwow”

“They can chat all they like, she’s got to take her punishment”

“Don’t you think you’re being a trifle harsh Kev”

“Easy for you to say, what if it was you whose wife was running around the streets in the buff. What would you do?”

“I said nothing to her” Brian winced, he’d let the secret he had held for so long slip. It didn’t go unnoticed, Kevin looked at him, a deep piercing look that turned to understanding and sympathy.

“Oh yeah Isla” Brian hadn’t realised he’d been holding his breath. He sighed, able to breathe again “Yes, that wasn’t easy I can tell you”
“But did you feel betrayed, that’s the worst thing for me. Linda betrayed me. Why? Why would she do a thing like that?”

Brian knew why, the feeling of the air all over your skin, the thrill of the dare, the certain knowledge of the shame that capture would bring, the extremes of the fear of being seen and recognised and the elation of safe return. Oh yes he had felt all that, so knew well Linda’s reasons.

“No idea mate” he told Kevin


“We need to sort your husband out” said Marion in a very business like way. Linda had just admitted to Julie that she was the Naked Angel. Julie was so pleased that she had finally got the woman she had hunted for so long that she ignored he glaring holes in Linda’s story. One thing was sure as rain on a bank holiday, Marion was not going to point them out.

“We have him by the balls” Julie told the clearly puzzled Linda

“How? It’s me that was walking the streets in the nude”

“True” Marion told her, “but in forcing you to knock on the door and say the things you did he has revealed himself as cruel, and most certainly not fit to be a father.”

”Oh no, he’s a good father, it really is all my fault” Linda broke into tears again.

“Look Linda” Julie began “this how we have to play it if we are going to get Kevin to back down”

“Oh I see” she said with a sniff fumbling for a handkerchief in the pockets of the clothes she wasn’t wearing. Marion went and found her a box of tissues. Privately she was quite pleased that Linda had been caught as she was now off the hook. There would be no suspicion of her being the Naked Angel, and she could carry on with her midnight airings for if somebody caught a fleeting glimpse of a bare body on a clear starry night, well they would think it was Linda. Marion had no sympathy, if Linda had been careless enough to be caught that was her problem. When you took a midnight stroll in the buff you took a risk and lived with the consequences if you were seen.

“You look all out Linda, why don’t have a quick shower and I’ll find something for you to put on. Then we’ll get Kevin in”

“Okay…… but I’m not too sure about getting dressed. That may be a red rag to a bull.”

“That’s fine by me” said Marion who had plans for Kevin. Julie, however, gulped and floundered like a fish on the deck of a rusty trawler. “It’s okay” Marion said kindly, “you don’t need to be here”

The woman in Julie agreed, nothing looked better to her in that moment than the clothes hanging on the back of the door. The journalist in her was not so sure, being naked was a small price to pay for being in on the kill. Once again the acid smell of the newsprint won..
“That’s fine, I’ll stay and keep you company”

“What’s happening “ asked Brian who had just reappeared through the back door.

“Kevin has behaved abominably towards Linda, he plans on keeping her nude” his bare naked wife explained primly.

“Well he is more than just a trifle annoyed” Brian replied “And with some reason”

Marion placed her hands firmly on her ample hips. “Oh and there’s something wrong with walking around as our maker intended”
Julie Lewis couldn’t help but think that, although Marion might have a point, it didn’t necessarily extend to her present state of exposure. At least she was in the majority, an advantage that increased with the return of a refreshed Linda. Brian thought she looked much better now, the lank hair was still wet but had a body to it, her face had lost some of the care lines and her bare body glowed in the subdued light in the kitchen.

“I’m ready now” she said “please bring in my husband”

twenty4

Brian sat at his desk miserably watching silver drops of rain roll down the office window. The hot weather had finally broken a week ago and after two grey days filled with a silent drizzle summer seemed like a dream now. Isla had gone to the North to stay with Henri’s family. He hoped she had kept her clothes on, but he had his doubts. At least she was off his hands and if she was wreaking naked havoc, then it was Henri’s problem now. Isla’s mother was as naked as ever at home, but now the nights were turning chilly Brian felt could legitimately claim it was too cold to join her inflagrante. Fortunately she didn’t seem to mind and pottered around quite happily in the nude while her fully clothed husband admired the view.

The last few weeks had been a stormy, metaphorically speaking, and rough seas had battered the good ship Brian Shaw, firstly the force ten that was Isla and her reluctantly naked boyfriend, followed by the scend of nude working in the offices of PDQ. Brian’s timbers shivered at the memory but at least now he was back on an even keel and sailing happily through much calmer waters with smiling waves smacking against the prow. And so it was until about half past eleven when the kraken awoke.

“Ho-ho” called John to nobody in particular, “they’ve caught the naked angel”

The monster Brain always feared lay in wait for him rose up from the depths and wrapped its tentacles around his chest like iron bands.

“Oh really” replied Jan casually, “I thought she was a myth”

“Absolutely not, she was reported to the police this morning by somebody called Bob Standing who had seen her in the street”

The waters around Brian were boiling and frothing as he felt himself drawn down into cold depths of despair. Bob Standing lived across the road from him!

“How do they know it was the Naked Angel?” asked Jan with as much contempt as she could muster.

“Same street as before, Belvoir Avenue, where Brian lives” Jan’s distain drained away as both of Brian’s colleagues looked pointedly towards him. Not hat he noticed as he was too busy sucking in oxygen to feed his beating heart.

“You must know her Brian, Linda Frost?”

Brian gulped, a goldfish breaching the putrid surfacein a stagnant bowl. The pressure eased on his chest, and just as a drowning sailor suddenly finding a life vest he popped up to the surface. Gratefully he sucked in oxygen.

“Yes” he squeaked weakly, as if he had been fed helium instaed, “she lives next door”

John laughed, “Would you believe it? All that time and you never knew”

This brief interlude was all Brain needed to recover, the waters had subsided now and he was able to answer calmly.

“I thought that chef said he couldn’t remember”

“True,” replied John thoughtfully, “but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen”
Brian, who up until now had been certain it did happen, and that his wife was the naked angel reconsidered. “How did they find out it was Linda”

“Look here” said Jon turning his screen around, “he was looking out the window, saw her and got a few pictures.”

Brian looked at the photographs. Linda’s naked body glowed a whiter shade of pale in the harsh light of the camera flash. The first snap, however, could have been anyone, but the second was a close up of her face, twisted in a look of shock at the sudden starburst of light. Brian was filled with an immense sense of relief. He was instantly ashamed, but that could have been Marion, or worst of all himself. John was reading on.

“Linda Frost, thirty seven…..she looks good for her age, don’t you think?” Brain looked at his neighbour while Jan looked to the heavens, “you’re as big a pervert as that Dick Standing” she told him.

“Bob Standing, Jan, pay attention will you” He corrected her before continuing. “Mrs Frost was interviewed by the police, but as nobody had complained about her bizarre night time habits they decided not to bring charges.”

“Mr Frost claimed he had no idea of his wife’s nudist ramblings. He told reporters their neighbour’s naked habits had led her astray”

The kraken rose like a lioness from the dry savannah grass once more, tentacles dripping cold seawater as it reached to drag him down into the cold dark depths.

“That was a principled protest” Jan told John firmly. With a sudden release and surge of elation Brian broke free from his malaise, shaking off the monster completely.

“I don’t think Isla had anything to do with this” he said defensively.

John changed tack. “She must have walked past your house” he said to Brian.

“Who?” Brian was genuinely confused now, even so he felt the trap, sensing the beast that lurked below his little boat, circling, waiting for its chance.

“The naked neighbour”

“Well I suppose so”

“So you must have seen her”

Brian became indignant “I don’t spend all night looking out of the window, unlike my neighbour” he added, feeling the undercurrent dragging him down. For lurking in his mind was the dreadful fact that on another night that Dick Standing’s evil little camera could have caught him and Marion, tripping across the road together in the altogether.

“You’re not telling me that you have lived next door to the naked angel for sixth months and had no idea.”

Brian shook his head, of course he hadn’t thought the mythical naked angel had been living next door, he’d been damn certain she’d sleeping next him, for some of the night at least. This revelation of Linda the divine was something to digest, a large big piece of gristle that lay heavy on his stomach.

Jan, however, had other matters on her agenda and turned on John.

“You seem remarkably interested in all of this. You’re not thinking of trying it yourself are you?”

“Certainly not” replied John quickly, far too quickly for Jan, who turned and with a raised eyebrow struck deep “the lady doth protest too much, methinks”

“What’s that supposed to mean” snapped John suddenly on the defernsive.

“You’re not a closet nudist are you?” Jan asked him with a wicked smile.

“Absolutely not! You wouldn’t catch me doing something as sordid as that”

” For somebody so disgusted with nudity you seem to take a great deal of interest in it”

They bickered on and on for some time, like two evenly matched armies fighting over the same blasted piece of heath. First one advanced, only to be stopped by a determined rearguard, which was followed by a sharp offensive that railed futilely at a sternly held redoubt. Safely to one side of battle with the crisis over Brian got back to some work, as he fell into the familiar rhythm of his fingers tippy tappy typing on his keyboard he felt the kraken drop back into the abyss, leaving him at peace, for now. But he knew it was there, deep down, waiting and watching.

That evening after a stressful drive home Brian approached Belvoir Avenue with a heavy heart. He was determined once and for all to have it out with Marion. These midnight walks had to stop, after all what if Dick had photographed her, in her glory clothes. As he tuned right he peered along the road bathed in a coppery sun that brushed the street with loving sepia tones. Brian had expected to be greeted by a press pack hounding Linda’s gate, baying for blood,but all was quiet and still. The world having looked once, now turned away, the beam of its relentless desire for scandal focused on some new indiscretion.

Brian entered the kitchen full of strident purpose, intent on righting his wayward wife who as usual, was as naked as a jaybird. What was unusual, and put him completely off his stride, was her naked companion. They both looked at him completely unabashed. The new nude was small with large pendulous breasts. Clearly these were too heavy for her slender frame as she was resting them on the kitchen table. She smiled at Brian invoking a small flicker of recognition. Has he met her before? He would surely remember those mammaries, unless of course they were in their holsters when he had seen them last.

“Brian, this is Julie, a friend of Isla’s”

That would explain the nudity, but he felt sure Isla hadn’t introduced them. Julie rose to her feet exposing a freshly shaven haven. Her breasts swayed like Galilieo’s chandelier as she held out her hand.

“We’ve met before” she told him, “I came here to look into the naked angel story”

“Ah right” he replied as panic rose in his throat. His autonomic response to any mention of the naked angel.

He shook her hand, setting up divine oscillations in those breasts. She smiled as she sat down.” Perhaps you didn’t recognise me without my clothes on?”. The oldest joke in the world, and she knew it.

“Well it does beg the question as to why you are in the altogether”

Marion interrupted, “I told you Brian. You never listen, do you. Julie has been with Isla on her protests; she spent a day working nude with us at PDQ”

Brian winced at the thought of Marion naked at work. He was always astonished that that bare fact had escaped the public’s attention. Now he was looking at the reason in all her glory.

“Well don’t just stand there Brian, we have guest and you are not following the dress code”

Brian gulped and then as he was about to slope sadly off, like an admonished dog, tail between his legs he was saved by the bell.

Ding dong, “I’ll get that” he said and before anyone could move he was gone.

He opened the door to find his neighbour, Linda, the erstwhile naked angel standing on the step. On one hand she looked awful. Her face was pale and drawn, her eyes red and puffy from crying and her hair greasy and lifeless. On the other hand Brain had never seen her looking so good, mainly because up until this moment he had never seen her without clothing.

Twenty three

Twenty three

Emaline Mirabelle Conway was known as Merri to her parents. Her school friends had called her Bella, but at the PDQ Agency she was called E-M (pronounced Em). Her job was to do the sensible things. All the creative things were done by the erudite copywriters and the flamboyant art directors who flounced and strutted, argued and enthused. Merri kept the business running. It she who filled the coffee makers, ensured the printers and photocopier were tonered and filled with the right type of glossy paper. There were always staplers and glue and paint and pencils handy to replace the ones they lost or destroyed in a fit of petulant anger. While she may not have won any contracts or awards one thing was absolutely certain there would never been any campaigns without her.

The morning of the day that would change her life forever was warm. There was every probability that the rest of day would be warmer still. Even so Merri packed her cardigan, a simple plaid pattern today in purple and white she thought as she folding it neatly and placing it in her wicker shopping bag. Merri always needed an extra layer in the summer at PDQ as the air con was invariably set on alpine peak. Checking herself in the mirror that hung in the shadowy hall, Merri sighed, a long, heartfelt sigh for all she had lost. An involuntary expression of sadness for the lost lives of both her parents, coupled to the loss of her life that just might have been. Still she thought to herself briskly, no use crying over spilt milk. Wiping a tear from her eye she stepped out into the golden morning, brushing her bare legs against the warm fur of her only companion, Eric, her tabby cat who was hurrying in after a long night prowling the neighbourhood. She often wondered what strange sights he saw in the wee small hours. Were the streets and back alleyways populated by a different set of inhabitants while the rest of the world slept?

‘How wrong can you be?’ thought Merri as she opened the door to PDQ’s office and a wall of warm air hit her like a foolish motorist opening his car window in the middle of Death Valley. The temperature seemed to rise by one degree per stair as she climbed to the first floor suite where she, manager Dave or D-Z (pronounced Dizzy) worked with a small group of creatives in a suite of seven rooms.

“Is the air con broken” she asked a petite blonde called P-W (Penny Wilson, aka Pow) who was monopolising the water cooler. She grunted before replying “It’s Dizzy’s latest ploy to get the Misthaze shopping centre account.” Merri knew all about this, the local mall was promoting itself as a green venue by turning off their climate control, hence Dave’s decision to switch of theirs. She moved through the open plan office cheerily greeting the other staff members who seemed to be boiling already. She dreaded to think how they would all feel by the afternoon. In fact they would all feel cool and refreshed, but at that time Merry had no inkling how the day would progress.

“Wow, I know I always thought the air con was too high, but there was no need for this” Merri turned and smiled. “Morning Marion” Their part time accountant was always welcome. Merri viewed as a kindred spirit, level headed and sensible. A veritable pillar of the community, although she had a nagging doubt about her daughter’s actions.

“Hello Marion,” said Dave, “I hope you’re pleased with our concern for the environment”

“I would have appreciated a little warning, Dave” Marion ignored the latest office fad for initials “I’d have worn a little less”

“It’s your daughter’s fault” he retorted, “She started this…by wearing a lot less!”

“You don’t have to follow all that rubbish” Marion complained, “She’s hardly likely to march around here demanding you turn off the air con”

“it’s a little more complicated” H-S, (Harry Smith, pronounced Hiss) a pleasant looking, long haired lad, explained “You see we’re up for the Mall’s contract and they are following the air con bad message” he gulped on some coffee before adding “Saves them money, they’ve no real scruples”

Merri left them to their discussion to check the answer phone. The first call was from Miles Jones the director of the Misthaze centre. He confirmed his appointment for three that afternoon. Merry hoped they would be ready, but she doubted this.

Her suspicions were confirmed later in the morning by a very sweaty M-S (Melainie Smith or Mess).

“We’re nowhere Em” she told her as she inspected two large wet patches on her pale pink silk blouse, “Do you think these will come out?”

“Oh yes, a bit of biological will sort that”

“It won’t ruin the material?”

“Not if you use a very low temperature, Mess”

The whole office consulted Merri on just about everything except for affairs of the heart. They saw her as an old spinster left on the shelf, a shrivelled virgin who had never felt the sting of Cupid’s darts. On that account they were wrong for she had had her day once, many years ago when she was a fresh faced, eighteen. Back then, she had a boy friend called Chris who she loved deeply. She had even made up her mind to have sex with him. Merri had planned it all, a secluded picnic in the woods after which she would allow the unsuspecting Chris to seduce her. She had even chosen the date, a day late in her monthly cycle when pregnancy would be highly unlikely. Merri had always been pragmatic. Sadly it was never to be; her poor father put paid to that. The very Sunday before what was in her mind as the biggest event in her life so far he contrived to upstage her passage from maid to woman. Merri remembered the day well, how could she ever forget? They had just left church, and she and her mother were admiring the rose bushes that were in full flower, Merri could still remember their heady smell that hung in the fresh summer air. Her father, who stood as a rock around which the family was anchored, was talking to the vicar. She could still remember the warm rhythm of his words, his deep voice sounding across the crunch yard. Then there was a cry and a quiet crunch as the gravel gave way under an unexpected mass. In sudden panic Merri turned to see her father slumped on the ground; his left arm quivering as the priest kneeled, muttering quiet words of prayer. Inside Merri boiled; she felt like shouting, “he needs cardiac massage. Don’t just kneel there, help him” She had ran across the churchyard, scattering small stones, with her mother behind her screaming but all Merri could hear was their friend and neighbour Jack Filey speaking desperately in hushed tones to his phone. But the heart attack was too big, the ambulance too slow. Merri’s life also ended in a way on that summer’s day, for her mother, who was never strong went spiralling into a decline and Merri was slowly sucked into her whirlpool of illness and despair, and so she was gradually pulled her away from all she knew. It was twelve years before her mother finally shuffled off her mortal coil leaving Merry a lone survivor, blinking on a sunlit beach with an ocean of experience before her yet to be explored.

Rebuilding had been slow, it had taken her months to build a small circle of friends, first flower arranging at church, then the swimming club, and finally the biggest hurdle of all, this job at PDQ. Mess broke into Merri’s reverie, “I could certainly use a lower temperature myself. Any chance Dizzy’s going to turn the ac back on?”

“I doubt it; he’s keen on this contract”

It was a slow day for the creatives, sometimes they whizzed, ideas tumbling from them faster than storm waves on a winter shore. Today the ideas were lake water lapping on an idling rowing boat. At eleven o’clock a meeting was called. Dizzy ran the whole gamut of despair, his team had deserted him, the contract was as unattainable as a desert mirage. Fortunately for Merri a caller at the door necessitated her to leave at this point.

“Hello Marion, you’re back, I see you’ve changed into something more suitable” said Merri noticing Marion’s thin summer dress.

“Not for much longer I fear” replied Marion rather mysteriously, “Bella, let me introduce to my daughter, Isla and this is her boyfriend Henri”

Merri had, of course, recognised Isla from the newspapers, “how do you do” she greeted them both shaking hands, “come to offer some advice?”

“Oh yes” replied Isla confidently

“Well they are all in a meeting, come on through” Merri said warmly as she ushered them towards the conference room. She led them in and stayed while Marion introduced her daughter and Henri to the small workforce.

Merri enquired if anyone needed a cold drink. This was like asking the pope if he wanted a service on a Sunday, as the room was hotter than a volcano. When she returned a few moments later it was instantly clear little progress had been made.

“Well no” Henri was telling them animatedly “we weren’t able to come up with any better slogans, that was one of our problems. Even ‘I’d rather have nothing on than have air con on’ was pinched from someone else” The whole room looked dejected, they were getting nowhere fast.

“Look,” said Isla, “I’m not in advertising, but even I can see you’re not going to get anywhere in this atmosphere, it’s far too hot”

“Well I could switch the air con back on” began D-Z. Merri and the rest of the staff looked longingly at him, tongues hanging out like puppy dogs waiting for their master to throw the ball. Isla on the other hand gave him to look of death, “That would rather defeat the object, don’t you think”

Isla looked around the room at the worn out faces and beamed, Merri started to become very worried indeed. Not as worried as she was a moment later when Isla told them they should follow her slogan.

“My slogan” Henri reminded her as fear gripped Merri warmly by the throat.

“I suppose we could” muttered D-Z “it would show how serious we were.”

Merri’s heart stopped beating at this point, surely he didn’t mean, he couldn’t. She was aware the others were talking, but her brain wasn’t processing the words. It was like a sporting match where the vision was fine but the sound signal had been lost. The conference room was the field of play and her colleagues the players in the game. She watched in a detached way as they ran around the in fury all arms gesticulating in silent animation, but the sense of occasion was lost on her. By the time normal service had been resumed it was all over, the final whistle had been blown. The naked office was on.

Marion turned to Merri “you haven’t said anything, Bella.”

“You don’t have to join us Em” Dave told her gently, before quickly adding “Don’t take that the wrong way, we would love you to join us, but…..”

There was a general low hum that indicated that agreement of her colleagues

Merri knew what they were thinking, dry wizened old spinster, old fashioned and prim, only naked for a shower.

“Tell you what” Marion told her “I will if you will” Like the watcher of the skies the whole attention of the room moved away from Merri and focussed on the new plant in their ken, Marion who, in their minds marched to the same drummer’s beat as Merri.

Someone said “In that case count me in” The whole room’s attention swung back to Merri, who was gradually realising that it had been her voice that spoke.

The silence was broken by Isla who was clearly becoming exasperated by the whole affair.

“Right, we’ll stay in here and you men can go somewhere else?” she looked enquiringly at Dave “The gents” he said. This drew a drone of distaste, “alright my office”

“I’ll come and get you when we are ready” Isla informed them as they trooped out contemplating the size of their midriffs. They had barely closed the door before Isla was naked, but then considering her the amount of practice she had this should have surprised nobody. What was a shock to Merri and the two other girls, Mess and Pow, was the speed at which her mother joined her in the altogether. The sight of her all over tan was both an answer and a wake up call.

“Tanlines” Pow spat out, removing her low cut top, to reveal a pink push up bra. Mess had other worries, “If only it known I’d have had a trim down there” she confided as she slipped out of her grey pencil skirt.

These were the least of Merri’s worries. She had no tan to speak of and her weekly outings to the ladies only swimming days at the Waterloo centre had taught her the benefit of ensuring no stray hairs peeked out from the lycra. Her worries were more in the line of stripping. Suddenly, with no warning her mind slipped back to the time before her father died, when she had aspirations of a normal life. She remembered quiet days in the summer, when the house was empty, no sound beyond the ticking of the clock in the silent hallway. Those were the days when she had planned for her liaison with Chris. She had it all worked out, the meal, the seduction and the strip before the final act of union. For days, alone in her bedroom, curtains closed against the peaking sun Merri had rehearsed her routine. First the plain white blouse, slowly, one button at a time, starting from the bottom. Then she paused, her flat white stomach bare, the outlines of her lacy bra just visible. Merri stood still for a brief moment, chin down, looking up. More of her diaphanous bra was exposed as she reached to let down her long brown hair. Free from its band, she shook it loose, giving her audience a brief glimpse of her protruding nipples pushing out from the fabric of her underwear. Then, reaching behind her she unzipped her thin red skirt. This bought her slim shoulders back, emphasising her full breasts. With a flick of her hips she allowed the skirt to fall to the ground. Then, she stepped forward, out of her fallen skirt leaving it and her sandals behind. The part opened blouse hung well below her waist, hiding her hips but the outline of her dark patch of pubic hair was plainly visible through the lace in her clean, white, high cut knickers. Slowly she let the blouse fall from her shoulders to join the rest of her clothing. With no pause, just a seductive smile, Merri reached behind her back to unclasp her bra, this done she dropped her shoulders to emphasise her cleavage. Quickly she let it fall releasing her full, firm breasts with their small cherry nipples. Turning away, she looked back at the mirror and, with a lascivious smile she leant forward, pushing her rounded buttocks towards her audience. Then with both hands she slipped her thumbs inside either side of her knickers and slowly rolled them down her firm thighs. Standing suddenly with her last item of clothing held at arms length between her thumb and forefinger she turned to face the mirror. Dropping the last of her underwear Merri stepped forward to the imagined seduction that was destined never to take place.

“Are you alright Em?” asked Pow. Merri snapped out of her reverie. Unconsciously she had already begun the long forgotten act, standing before her colleagues with her blouse open.

“Sorry just a bit much to take in” she said apologetically.

“For you and us all,” said Mess, “except of course young Isla” Although neither Mess or Pow were too sure about Marion anymore. Merri switched quickly to her swimming pool routine, folding her clothes neatly as she undressed. When she was naked she reached automatically for her costume, but of course it wasn’t there, and it was never going to be. Standing awkwardly, arms by her side she looked at her two colleagues. They were alike, pencil thin with sharp breasts pointing accusingly at her. Their faces held a look that Merri could only translate as astonishment.

“What’s wrong?” she asked shyly. She felt intimidated by their nudity, their bodies part tanned, with long legs and small patches of pubic hair.

“Merri” said Mess quietly, “let down your hair”

Merri did as she was told, suddenly realising that everyone was looking at her.

Mess spoke for the room. “Talk about hiding yourself away, you sure are one hell of a swan Merri”

“What me?”

“Oh yes, you, I don’t know why I was worried about trimming the lawn, ‘cos one thing’s for certain, nobody’s going to be looking at me!”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t know what you mean”

“Bella,” said Marion kindly, “you’re gorgeous,” she pointed to a mirror in the corner “look at yourself”

Merri didn’t need to look at herself, she already knew what she looked like. It was the sight of the rest of the flesh that was new. With no reference points she had rather assumed she had an average body, but looking at the two skinny girls standing shyly before her Merri swiftly revised her opinions. She had previously seen Mess and Pow as sirens, pulling unsuspecting men into their, what was now revealed to be not so ample bosoms. Now, stripped bare of their camouflage, they were diminished, two stick insects next to Merri’s queen bee.

Isla interrupted tersely. Merri was nothing, she had Suzie Blackwell for competition. “Enough of this preening ladies, I’ll go get the chaps”

Merri swallowed hard, here she was naked at work, being gawped at by her equally bare colleagues and now her first naked males were about to be delivered. Within seconds the first penis she had ever seen hove into view. What an odd little appendage she thought. She knew they could get bigger, but the mechanism by which such a floppy flaccid object could become large enough, and stiff enough to fit inside her vagina was unfathomable.

For a few moments the employees of the PDQ agency stared as silently as stout Cortez gazing on the Pacific. They took it all in, and would probably have done so for an age if Marion hadn’t intervened and set them all to work.

Merri busied herself with the photocopier which had run out of toner. She was the only one in the office who could replace the cartridge without getting toner all over her clothes. Today she was all fingers and thumbs, dropping the cartridge and nearly getting covered in ink. ‘Oh well she thought, at least it would have wiped off. One bonus to working in the nude’ She wondered if there were others, she certainly no longer felt hot under the collar.

She took lunch as usual at her desk, except it wasn’t usual at all she thought brushing breadcrumbs from her breasts. The leather of her office chair felt smooth and cool on her back, contrasting with the roughness of the small hand towel she had found in the store room to sit on. Her phone buzzed just as she was scolding herself for spilling orange juice on herself. Dizzy was calling a meeting in the conference room. Merri grabbed her towel and unconsciously brushed away some breadcrumbs that had nestled in her pubic hair. She headed quickly through the door, almost bumping into Hiss in her hurry. “After you, Em” he said politely. As she walked along the narrow corridor that led to the conference room she suddenly realised that Hiss had an excellent view of her bare behind. Still, she preferred him scrutinising her bottom to the alternative.

Shorn of their clothes the ideas had flowed from the creative team. Hours ago thye were nowhere, now they had an outline for the campaign. Merri had to admit it was slick and fizzed with ieas.

“Ok” Dizzy told them, “tidy it up and get it ready for Mr Jones” He paused looking sheepishly around his small company, “I’d like Pow and Mess to do the presentation” Utter silence filled the room like the gulfs between the stars “Er I know it’s sexist but, you know….” He would have looked at his shoes if he was wearing any “You have to play to your strengths”

“Yes, you’re right” Mess told him, “I’ll need to pop out to get some stuff first” she told him

“What sort of stuff” asked a puzzled Hiss

“Girlie stuff” Pow and Mess answered in unison.

Dizzy cleared his throat, a gentle polite, noise much like a well brought up toad. “I don’t suppose you could join us Em?” he croaked

Merri beamed, “Of course” she replied. Mess and Pow nodded. No point in leaving your star centre forward on the bench for the big match.

Miles Jones had never looked forward to a meeting so much in his life. Usually he kept people waiting, Being punctual meant you weren’t’ busy enough. Time was money and unless he was paying for somebody’s time he wasted it. But the opportunity to cast an eye over naked totty changed everything, if the staff of PDQ were desperate enough to prance around stark bullock naked to get his attention, he would give them all the time they wanted. Not that he was interested in the bollocks bit, Dizzy and his similarly named arty farty boys could prance around in the nuddy till their balls froze off for all he cared, but there was a couple of foxy girls and he wouldn’t mind seeing what was in their knickers. He remembered them well, long legs and stilettos, short skirts so you could almost see their bums. Tight cut low blouses with plenty of cleavage on display. He rubbed his hands together with glee at the thought of those puppies let loose. Oh yes, today was going to be a good day he thought to himself as he rang the door bell.

The door was answered by a stunning brunette, who was wearing the attire he liked best. Absolutely sweet FA. Where did that fatuous moron Dizzy find this babe from, Miles thought to himself. The last time he was here he was greeted by that frumpy secretary of his, all plaid pleated skirt and ribbed blouse buttoned up to the neck, hair tied back in a Mary Poppins bun, and shoes too sensible for a nun. This was a great improvement he thought as his eyes darted up and down her firm flesh. She stood with her long legs slightly apart, one hand on her perfect hip while the other idly rubbed her back. He drooled as her firm pert breasts rose and fell in time with her breathing, His throat was dry and he almost swooned, as his eyes roamed up her firm legs as sturdy and perfectly formed as an alabaster statue. She had kept her pubic hair, he liked that in a woman, and this specemin before him was undoubtedly a woman. He stood and admired her perfect curls, purring like a tom cat as he gazed at the thicker darker hair that nearly, but not quite, covered the twin swellings that led to her vagina. It seemed like an age to him but in reality it was only a few seconds, as he stood in the doorway grinning inanely at her body before he met this heavenly creatures eyes. Then he really got a shock, for the Aphrodite standing naked before him was that frumpy secretary. In that instant, as their eyes met Merri knew the contract was won.

That evening Merri floated home on a tide of champagne. After the deal had been signed, Dizzy had insisted that all go out for a celebratory meal. Merri didn’t usually mix socially with the others, preferring to retreat to the solitude of her quiet house with it’s calm familiar rhythms. But how often do you spend time naked with people? It had changed her perspective, engendering a deep trust. With these new bonds she felt she could venture a little further from the safety of the shore.

Their discussion was all on their day and the adventure they had faced. Pow and Miss felt they had taken most of the blows, standing naked at the screen, both as thin as rakes, with long legs accentuated by the high heels they hastily purchased that afternoon. Their cosmetic worries were also salved. Both now sported all over tans as even as Marion Shaw’s, but to Merri’s eyes there was a touch of orange that just wasn’t there on the firm’s account, who, fortunately had gone home, preventing any opportunity of comparison. Their concern’s over having a few hairs out of place had been dealt with too, although to Merri’s eyes they had used a combine harvester in place of a pair of garden secateurs, and both their vulvas had stood out like twin scars on their flat featureless torsos.

Poor Mr Jones didn’t know where to look, his eyes were flitting everywhere, he appeared to be desperately trying to concentrate on the screen, but the presence of all that naked flesh made it so hard for him. Mess and Pow laughed heartily when Merri told them this.

“Listen, Em the only thing he was concentrating on was the swelling in his pants” Pow told her bluntly.

“And frankly” continued Mess, “you were the main distraction”

Merri could feel the heat in her face, she had never considered herself as an object of attraction, but here she was sitting with her two co workers, both of whom again oozed a sensuality that had already acquired much attention from a few fellow diners. And they were telling her she was a sex symbol.

Before she could pursue this line of thought further Merri’s bus had arrived at her stop. Thanking the driver as was her wont, she alighted and walked along the familiar summer streets to her home. Her cat, Eric greeted her with all the haughty distain of his species. Merri filled his bowl with milk before getting herself a cool glass of water. The champagne, coupled with the intense heat that hung sullenly in the air of the closed house induced a great weariness. Shedding her clothes for the second time that day Merri indulged herself in a long cool shower. Suitably refreshed she reached for the robe that usually hung behind the door. Uncharacteristically she had forgotten to put it there, so she wrapped her towel around her body before heading towards her bedroom. Suddenly she stopped in her tracks. What was she doing? She had spent the whole afternoon stark naked in front of her colleagues and now she was covering herself to walk from her bathroom to her bedroom in an empty house. Removing the towel she folded it carefully and hung it on the towel rail, and gingerly, and bizarrely for the first time in her life, stepped onto the landing of her house with no clothes on. She tiptoed towards her bedroom, as if in fear of being caught. She caught herself again, what was she thinking, tomorrow she was going to spend the whole day naked at work, what was the point of getting dressed now. The house was swelteringly warm, and completely empty. Pulling herself together she walked down the stairs and along the hallway Just before she reached the lounge she caught a glimpse of herself in the full length mirror by the front door, and finally, she allowed herself to see what Miles Jones, Mess and Pow and all the others had seen.

“Oh my, Merri look at you” she told herself. After an hour watching television Merri felt extremely comfortable, for a few moments she even forgot she was naked.

‘Perhaps I’m a nudist’ she thought, and then laughed at the notion. She had no idea what a nudist was. There was only one way to find out. Switching on her computer she typed it into her search engine. She was very surprised to find there was a nudist, or naturist facility within three miles, in fact her bus home had passed by the gates. Merri had always assumed the Sandydunes Sun Club was a health farm. Now she knew otherwise it was so obvious, the high hedges, the gate set well back from the road with its entrance guarded by a security code.

Its website by contrast was more than welcoming, having detailed pages for current members and those who may just be thinking of giving it a go. There was even a quiz to see if you might just be a naturist. Merri giggled to herself as she looked at the questions.

The only pale I’m naked is in the bath with the door firmly locked. That would have been a yes this morning, but now, she dropped her gaze and smiled.

Next question, nobody would want to stare at that ugly carcase of mine. Well she had pretty good evidence for ticking the box marked no.

The rest of the questions were about the feel of the sun and the breeze on your bare body, and the pleasure of skinny dipping. Nothing, however, about working in the buff. Well, she could do nothing about skinny dipping, but the feel of the sun and the breeze was a definite possibility. Before she could change her mind and back out Merri opened the patio doors and stepped out. There was no danger of being seen, but then that cat was well and truly out of the bag anyway. ‘That’s settled,’ she thought, ‘I can tick another two yes boxes’

“Oh what the hell” she muttered as she sat back down in front of the computer, “What are you doing Merri?”

But there it was in big letters, ‘Give it a go, we want you to join us’ Merri read on, and realised that they didn’t want you if you were single and male, but if you were female there wasn’t even a waiting list. She looked sown at her body, that until today she had hidden away in unflattering clothing. Now here she was, a butterfly shorn of its cocoon, sitting naked in her empty house, with a full day of naked work ahead, and yet new eyes free to roam over her bare skin.

She smiled again as she turned back to the keyboard as with an email address and a few clicks of a computer mouse Emaline Mirabelle Conway left that lonely life behind.

nineteen to 22

Twenty

The scorching afternoon dissolved into a warm evening as Isla related her stories of notoriety. Finally Marion interrupted “I think it is time to start cooking dinner, you weren’t planning on going out?”

“Oh no” replied Isla who was a little concerned about visiting her old haunts now everyone she had ever known had seen her naked. She thought she would just die if she met her old headmistress in the street.

“It’ll be about half an hour, I’m sure you need to freshen up.”

This was Marion’s way of telling them both they smelt. Isla took the hint. Henri who had been smelling his stale sweat for a some time now was grateful of the opportunity for a shower.

“Right ho” replied Henri, “I’m afraid I haven’t brought anything smart.”

“Oh, no need to dress, we’re quite casual here.” Before Isla could comment her mother turned to her “Henri’s in the attic room”

“Dad!” complained Isla turning towards her father. She knew very well who to blame.

“I’m sorry about this” Isla told Henri as she led him up the stairs to the attic.

“Oh that’s alright, it’s their house. My parents were the same when my sister’s boyfriend came to stay.”

“Yes, but I’ll never be able to sneak up here without them hearing” complained Isla.

Henry grabbed her by the waist and kissed her. “We don’t have to restrict ourselves to night time manoeuvres” he whispered into her ear.

“Or indoors either” she told him, her breath felt hot his neck, “I know a spot in the wood that’s just perfect”

“Won’t that be hard on your back?” Henri suggested.

“Yes, but not on yours” She gave him a playful slap on the backside as crossed the room to the window. He looked dawn on the garden. It was like a medieval maze with bushes all over the place. Next door a woman in shorts and a skimpy pink top was watering some plants with a hose. She was tall and thin, wide at the hips, with long blonde hair. ‘The naked woman behind the green door’ thought Henri ‘maybe tomorrow when the sun is out..’ he’d keep an eye open.

“Who’d have thought it?” Isla muttered looking over his shoulder, “Linda wandering around naked?”

“You set the trend babe” he told her

“And I’m the best” she said as she removed her top.

“What are you doing, we’re expected downstairs in ten minutes” exclaimed Henri
“I’m taking a shower” replied Isla

“What if your parents come in?”

She laughed, they won’t it’s you room. They’ll hear the shower and think it’s you” she replied as she removed the rest of her clothes.

“Please Isla, I’ve only just got your dad onside”

She put her hand on her bare hip, and wiggled her waist, “Well if you don’t want to have a shower with me…”

“Oh come on babe, you know there is nothing I would like better, but this is not the place nor the time.”

She smiled, picked up her clothes and walked naked from the room, “I’ll just have to shower downstairs then.”

Henri cleaned himself up as quickly as he could, chose the cleanest clothes he could find and tiptoed downstairs. He was relieved to hear Isla singing in the shower as this enabled him to get downstairs without being dragged into her bedroom.

Isla had showered and was drying her hair when she remembered her mother’s comment.
“Oh, no need to dress, we’re quite casual here.”
As quickly as she could she dashed upstairs to warn Henri of what her mother meant went she had said dress was casual. But Henri had already gone. Isla sprinted down the stairs in the vein hope of catching him before he went into the kitchen and got the shock of his life.

Too late. Isla burst into the kitchen and there was Henri drinking beer with her father as her mother plated up the starter of prawns and smoked salmon. What ever Isla had been about to say died on her lips. Henri, Brain and Marion stood frozen in time and speechless. They were also, more to the point, fully dressed.

“Ah” said Isla backing towards the door, “Sorry, er slight misunderstanding of the word casual”

“There’s no air conditioning here” Marion told her. “Well there’s no point scurrying off now, after all, the entire world’s seen you naked. Sit down and eat your meal”

To Henri’s utter amazement Isla did just that. Having dinner with your girlfriend’s parents is always a difficult experience but to sit at the table making polite conversation while your girlfriend sits next to you stark naked made the experience a whole lot worse. Throughout the meal Brain and Marion kept asking him questions.

“What are you reading at University?”
“What do your parents do?”
“What was it like growing up in Milton?”
“Have you any brothers and sisters?”

And Henri would drag his thoughts away from Isla’s breast with its pert pink nipple and the small brown moles either side, not quite in a line. And when he could drag his eyes away from her breasts they treacherously dropped to her alabaster thighs that were firmly crossed. He gazed speechless at the small tufts of jet black pubic hair that poked up, like young seedlings desperately seeking the sunlight.

He tried to answer the questions lucidly but he could hear himself fumbling, his answers rambling and incoherent. It would be understandable had he never seen Isla naked, but of course he had, everyone’s eyes had roamed free over her bare flesh. Nobody had explored her body quite as thoroughly as Henri, who had been over every inch, as well as investigating a few crevasses. Even so her nakedness unsettled him; and it showed.

This nervousness endeared Henri to Marion and Brian. They would have expected most men his age to have sat there with their tongues hanging out. Henri stared, but who could blame him for that. It seemed, however, he gaze was of astonishment where others would have displayed lust. Of course neither of Isla’s parents were thinking rationally either. The mere appearance of their daughter in all her glory had unsettled them. Even Marion, who had threatened to do the same on many occasions herself, was shaken by her daughter’s complete lack of shame.

She needn’t have worried on that score. Isla was certainly feeling the shame; she just tried not to let it show. How could she have been so stupid? What could have possessed her? Looking back over the last few months, it was true, she had hardly ever seen her mother in clothing, but as far as she knew only she and her father were privy to their naked lifestyle. How could she have been so blind, she should have realised her parents would never be naked in front of Henri.

But the moving finger having writ moves on and there was no going back. She had turned up for dinner in her birthday suit. Running away would merely have compounded her guilt. Isla had considered making a pretence of being cold and run upstairs to dress, but it wasn’t cold and, after all, she had one of the most famous bodies in the world now. Everyone had seen it, so why hide.

“It’s so hot” she announced, “I don’t know how you can bare it being dressed”

Her mother looked daggers at her, “perhaps you would help me serve the main course Isla” she demanded, rather than asked, as she rose from the table like a mastodon from the primeval swamp.

“What the hell do you think you’re playing at, Isla? Why are you naked?”

“I didn’t mean to come to dinner in the nude”

“It’s supposed to be a mistake?” asked her incredulous mother nearly dropping the steamed potatoes.

“I just forgot I was starkers that’s all”

“Oh what, so you spend so much time in the nuddy, you can’t remember if you’re wearing clothes or not!”

“Well just like you then” Isla replied, hackles beginning to rise.

“No not just like me, I remember to put some clothes on when we have some company”

“How was I supposed to know?”
“You seriously think I would greet your new boyfriend with just a smile?”

“Well clearly not, but how was I supposed to know?”

“What?”

“You said dress casual for dinner”

Marion waved her hands over her summer dress, “Yes, this is casual, for me”

“No it’s not” shouted Isla, “this is casual for you” waving her hands over her naked form.

Marion took her point. “Well you could have checked before you came barging in in your birthday suit”

“That’s exactly what I was trying to do, I came out of the shower and it suddenly hit me that you set casual, and by God mother when you usually say casual dress that means no dress at all”

A small cough broke into their argument. Brain stood at the doorway. “Er, we can hear you, you know”

That stopped them both, Marion looked at Isla “you better try and explain. Brain help me with his will you”

Henri was sitting bemused; he had heard the argument and witnessed the pain on Brain’s face. Isla slipped in and grabbed him by the hand and led him into the garden.

“I’m sorry about this hun” she told him.

“It’s cool” he replied, “Your family are nudists, it explains quite a lot about you”

“You don’t mind” she asked.

“No it’s fine” a cloud passed over Henri’s sunny face. “You don’t want me to join in to you?”

“Do you have a problem” An accusation rather than a question. Henri pondered for a moment

“No,” he appeared uncertain, then continued more confidently, “no I’ll be fine.” he deliberated again before asking “now?”

“No, not now I think it will take my parents a while to decide what to do”

“Oh right, you’re not planning on getting dressed are you”

Isla smiled and wiggled her hips suggestively. “I don’t know, what would you prefer”

“You know how much I admire your body” he told her with a lascivious smile. She smiled back.

“Nude it is then” she told him as he grinned, “but don’t get any ideas, there’ll be no night manoeuvres. You’ll just have to wait until morning” she told him firmly.

Several months ago Brian had enjoyed a meal due to the presence of his naked wife and also not enjoyed a meal due his bare daughter. Henri enjoyed the rest of the meal, who wouldn’t as he was sitting next to his girlfriend who was wearing a watch and a green wristband that identified her as a warrior of the environment. What preyed on his mind however was the looming presence of his girlfriend’s mother, who now she was outed as a nudist, may just join her daughter at the drop of a hat. Or in her case the drop of a summer dress.

“I’ve explained the situation to Henri and he understands” Isla told her parents.

“And what dear” began Marion as her husband looked on with all the futility of peasant charged with teaching a horse to sing, “have you told Henri”

“That we are nudists”

“Ah” replied Marion as Brian contemplated stabbing himself with his fork to test if this was a nightmare.

“Better out than in” she sighed. This was not a sentiment shared by her husband.

Henri felt he should say something “I did rather suspect, what with Isla’s penchant for strolling around naked.” The look on Brain’s face told him that his was probably not his finest contribution to the dinner table conversation. He’d already put his foot well and truly in it so Henri thought he might as well carry on. “So are you guys members of a club”

“Oh no” replied Marion “we’re not that type of nudist”

Brian winced at the sound of the N word.

“We’re just a trifle casual with our dress at home” Isla explained.

“And some of us outside as well!” put in Brian

“That’s a legitimate protest, dad” protested his daughter. But that was not what Brian was referring to.

“So what’s you position on nudity Henri” asked Marion in an attempt to steer the conversation away form her night time excursions.

“I’m easy” replied Henri, hoping this was vague enough. It was, so Isla decided to clear away any lasting confusion.

“Don’t worry, I’ve converted him, he’s fine with nudity now”
‘Please don’t say it’ Brian prayed fervently to himself.

“Well, in that case” said Marion, “maybe later in the week we can have that casual dinner, what do you say Isla”

Isla blushed all the way from her face to her pink puffy nipples

Henri just stared at Marion in her floral summer dress topped off with her best necklace. Would she be wearing just the pearls this time tomorrow he wondered, or would she be the complete nudist. His money was on the pearls.







Twenty one

The following morning Henri woke alone. Isla had been as good as her word and had not suddenly begun to sleepwalk. He read a book and listened to the sound of the house, the doors opening and closing, muffled conversations, the humming of hair driers. Finally the goodbyes of first Brian, and then Marion as they left for work. Henri laid down his book and waited for Isla. After a full fantasy laden quarter of an hour where Henri imaged all sorts of wild sex, he began to think that she wasn’t going to come. Perhaps she was waiting for him. Mindful that this was not his house Henri dressed in an old shirt and a pair of frankly disgusting shorts, and as quietly as he could descended the stairs to Isla’s room. It was empty. That was an exaggeration, it was actually stuffed full of cuddly toys, there were clothes everywhere, the dressing table was invisible under a pile of make up, hair starighteners, hair drier. What it lacked was the architect of this mess: Henri decided to widen his search.

He finally tracked Isla down to the kitchen where she lounged in a comfortable chair with the morning paper covering her modesty. She looked critically at her lover, “Why are you wearing those clothes”

“I didn’t know if your parents would still be here.”

“Well they’re not so you can get them off” Henri dutifully did as he was told. Isla sniffed the air. “And you haven’t had a shower”

“Well, I was only wondering if you were up, now I know, I’ll….” He wasn’t allowed to go any further.

“Oh you’re here now, what do you want for breakfast?”

“You” replied Henri with a big grin.

“You can have me later” Isla gave him a sly look, “first something to eat, you need to keep your strength up!”

He smiled as he sat down on the chair and settled back to watch the show. His eyes wandered freely over her bare flesh. The curve of her calves, the tiny tufts of hair that poked through the back of her thighs. She caught him staring and smiled as she sat opposite him, her small breasts brushing the table.

“Did you enjoy last night?” she asked licking her lips suggestively.

“Yes, I was a bit worried, but your parents seemed very nice”

“That’s not what I meant” she said firmly. “Did you enjoy looking at me, in all my glory?”

“You know I love to watch your body” he replied watching her rounded buttocks as she bent over to put the dirty plates in the dishwasher, “did you enjoy it, being the only one naked?”

Isla smiled as she stood; hand on one hip, the bright light from the window sparking in her eyes. “I wouldn’t be the only one in the buff now……. if my mother got back early.”
Henri panicked, and then caught himself. It’s not often a young man could give a plausible explanation for being found naked in his host’s kitchen, with the host’s naked daughter. If Marion walked in now he could brazenly shake her hand with no more said, provided he remained seated. Should he stand there would be than his right hand outstretched.

Isla drifted around the kitchen like a dream, clearing the rest of the dishes. Then with a flourish she pulled away the white line table cloth that Henri had been using as a hide. Isla grinned mischievously, placed her finger in her mouth and started to suck on it. She looked over the edge of the table to observe the result.

“I think it’s playtime” she said with a grin.
Henri got up and grabbed hand, pulling her towards the door. Isla pulled back.

“No here” she told him pushing herself up onto the table, legs open. She shivered briefly as she lay back on the smooth polished wood.

One minute later following a series of groans and high pitched squeaks, both Henri and Isla got the message. The table wasn’t up for it. They however were, so with all their bits bouncing, and giggling manically in anticipation they raced each other up the stairs to the more receptive bed in the attic room.

Two hours later they were woken by the sound of the telephone. Isla dashed down to her bedroom. She returned in animated conversation.

“Yes of course I’ll sponsor you”

“What’s it for?”

To Henri’s ears the voice in Isla’s earphone sounded like an angry hornet.

“What do you have to do?”

Or perhaps a bee, flitting from flower, to summer flower.

“You’re going to do what? This I have to see”

The bee buzzed and buzzed for at least a minute.

“Is that all?” Isla replied condescendingly before ending the call with “One thirty, Marlborough Arms, see you there Alice”

“Who was that?” asked Henri

“My old school friend”

“I take it we’re going out”

“Indeed we are; mind if I use the shower here?”

“Be my guest, mind if I join you?”

They were nearly late for the old school reunion.

There was no naked dinner with Isla and her parents that evening. It was well past one in the morning when the two of them staggered drunkenly into the house. With theatrical whispers they staggered up the stairs. Isla bade Henri a cheery goodnight and closed her bedroom door from the outside. Barely surpassing her laughter she followed Henri as quietly as she could in her inebriated state up the stairs to the attic room.

It was a poor deception which only half worked. It fooled Brain for the simple reason he was fast asleep. Unfortunately for Isla her mother was wide awake and knew precisely what was going on. On the plus side Marion didn’t really care. When she was Isla’s age, she was already pregnant, so there was no point in trying to take the moral high ground. In fact Marion was pleased her daughter was otherwise engaged as she had a little excursion of her own planned. As the sounds of muffled passion leaked down the stairwell, Marion slipped as silently as Isla had thought she was from the bed and tiptoed downstairs and out into the silent midsummer night.

Henri woke at some ungodly hour with a pain in his bladder. He knew it was early as it was not yet dawn. He fumbled his way towards the bathroom and relieved himself. Still half drunk he fell back into the bed which complained at this rough handling.

“Ouch,” moaned Isla, “did you have to dig me in the ribs” she pushed him away and, completely disorientated he fell onto the floor, where he sat awkwardly rubbing his head. “Quiet will you, do you want to wake my parents?”

“You pushed me out” he whispered, his voice rich with injustice.

“I’d better be going” she whispered giving him a mohito flavoured kiss, “where are my clothes?”

“You took them off before we got here”

“Oh right,” she said, stopping suddenly. “Henri, come here a minute”

Ever eager, he was by her side, fondling her bare behind. “Stop that” she demanded as she pointed out of the window “look there”

“Where?”

“There, in the lane behind the fence”

“There’s someone out there” Henri gulped “I swear they haven’t got any clothes on”

The bare form flitted into the shadows and was gone. Moments later a flash of flesh crossed a patch of moonlit ground. It was only a glimpse, but that was enough to confirm to both of them that the naked form was female.

“Did you recognize her” asked Henri

“Too far away.”

But their minds were as one. They’d been told two days ago and they hadn’t forgotten.

“That kid was telling the truth”

“So Linda’s the naked angel” whispered Isla

“The what?”

Isla told Henri the story of the cook, his stroke, and his mythical rescuer.

“Wow” was all he could say

“The question now is what shall we do? Julie Lewis has been hunting this story since it broke, she’d love to know who it was. Should we tell her?”

Before Henri could reply the click of a bedroom door echoed through the house.

“Damn” whispered Isla who shot out of the room.

Henri listened intently but nothing further disturbed the quiet of the very early morning in Belvoir Avenue. He returned to the window, but the lane now was empty. Presently he went back to bed and fell asleep. As usual he dreamt of naked women.

Twenty two

The catch, when it came, was sudden and unexpected. Henri and Isla were enjoying a leisurely late morning drink on the sun drenched patio. Henri was as observant as a bird, attentive to every sound from the other side of the hedge where the mysterious naked neighbour, Linda, lived. He stared constantly at the thick privet, desperately trying to see through it. The slightest indication of a presence drove him to his feet, pacing the patio looking for the smallest sliver of bare flesh through the green. It was during one of these excursions that he was taken by surprise, like a harvest mouse caught in the open hearing the sudden screech of the tawny owl.

“It’s nice out isn’t it?” said Marion in a cheerful voice. As his trousers were still up in his bedroom Henri was not able to put it back in again. He tried to speak, but nothing came out. Fortunately neither Isla nor her mother seemed to notice let alone care.

“You’re back early, Mum”

Henri gulped, all he wanted was to be reunited with his clothes, but Marion was blocking the door, and now she seemed happy to chat. “I’m soaked with sweat,” she complained, that advertising agency had the air con off”

“Well that’s good” commented Isla at her most saintly.

“Well yes, if you’re dressed for it. The place was colder than an Alaskan dog kennel yesterday. I’m going to slip into something more casual” As she disappeared into the cool dark interior Henri came out of the blocks faster than an Olympic sprinter who had sat on a porcupine.

“Whoa, big boy, where do you think you’re going?” asked Isla.

“I’m going to get my clothes before your mother gets back.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t sit her in the buff talking to her, it’s bad enough she caught me in the nude”

“And where do you think she has gone?”

“She’s diplomatically got out of the way so I can go and get dressed.”

“Exactly the opposite” said Isla.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Then Henri understood what it meant “Oh, er, right”

And suddenly with the words “Well that’s better” Marion was there. Henri realised he had never seen anyone of that age naked before. He had once walked into the bathroom at home while his mother was in the shower, but had managed to beat a hasty retreat before he could catch a glimpse of flesh. Bizarrely he had been more worried than her. In fact she had found it quite amusing and teased him remorselessly in front of his sisters who also found it amusing until one of them had a thought. In Henri’s experience thought and his sisters’ minds occupied separate universes, but somehow an idea managed to bridge the gap and settle momentarily in Annie’s cerebrum.

“Oh my God,” she squealed, “what if it had been me, I’d have just died”

“No you wouldn’t Annie.” Replied their mother “Do you think you’ve got anything different under those clothes? We’re all the same, do you want to see mine and compare private bits?” She started to unbutton her blouse. This brought on a storm of protest from both his sisters while Henri looked at his shoes. Their mother stopped and smiled “There’s nothing wrong with nudity, as you’ll find out one day”

Well this was Henri’s day alright. Despite the teasing he had seen nothing of his mother’s body. The mere outline of her flesh though the translucent shower curtain had been enough to send him flying to his room. He would have the done the same now but for Isla. So here he sat, trapped with his naked girlfriend and her equally naked mother. He had expected Marion’s body to wrinkled, like an old dry leaf with only the memory of the summer that had gone. He was pleasantly surprised to find quite the opposite. Her skin was as smooth as her daughter’s although it had to be said there was somewhat more of Marion than Isla. What would his mother and sisters say now he wondered? This was more than an idle daydream, they knew he was dating one of the most famous nudes on the planet. He had told his mother just before the protests began, as he had expected countrywide television coverage to show him standing on the sidelines. His family had followed Isla’s progress with interest. To his twin sister Amelie she was a green heroine, someone to be looked up to , but perhaps not followed. His elder sister Annie though it all disgusting. His parents position was ambiguous, the only comment had come from his mother, who after seeing Isla parading stark naked around the Sapphire Shopping Mall told him “She looks nice dear”

What they would make of her in the flesh? He’d find out soon as in a weeks time they were going north to meet his folks. He just hoped that meeting Isla in the flesh didn’t mean just that. Could she keep her clothes on for a week? He fervently hoped she would, but deep down he knew there would an unveiling at some point. Then what would happen, would Amelie emulate her heroine, would their mother carry out the threat she had dangled before them all those years ago. One thing was certain, Annie would walk out.

“So how was work” Isla broke into his reverie

“Like I said hot” replied her mother “and its all you fault”

“How’s it my fault”

“Well there’s an advertising campaign for the “Air con con” at the mall and they’re making a bid”

“So”

“So they have switched the air con off to impress the clients”
“Oh well” said Isla haughtily from her vantage point on the moral high ground “they could always go naked, like our slogan says”